Need advice re: BM issue - very long

So I was at my sister's house for Father's Day today and I was in the kitchen with my sister's gf and we were chatting. She turns to me and says "I have to ask you a question" so I said "sure go, ahead" and she said "whats going on with you and Jo? (one of my BM's) so I said to her "Im not really sure, shes been very distant lately but I dont know why, I actually even emailed her about it last week and she brushed it off saying shes just "been busy" lately and that nothing is wrong"... My sister's gf then proceeded to tell me that when she called my BM to tell her about my shower she immediately said to her "Well I have no money" (meanwhile money didn't even come out of my sisters mouth). My sister didn't even say she wanted $ from her so I don't even know why she said that. My sister continued talking and then my BM brought up not having any money again, saying that she just bought a co-op and she has to furnish it, etc. (mind you she makes close to 6 figures but we need not go there). So now I dont know what to do. My sisters gf said that my BM has not called my sister back since that conversation and my sister is getting a little annoyed. She didnt want my sister to know that she told me because she felt bad getting me involved but thought I should know. Im glad she told me but I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should call her and say something, or just leave it as it is. My sister's gf said to me "I wouldnt be surprised if she backs out at the last minute". She already put a deposit on the dress so I dont even know what to say if I chose to confront her. She doesn't really bring up "being broke" when we speak so its not like I can bring it up then and be like "listen if you dont want to be in my BP just let me know now. If she would cry poverty to me I would have a chance to say it but I can't really just come out of nowhere and bring it up. I was thinking of just bringing up the fact that she has been very distant to me lately and that if this isnt something she wants to do than I totally understand, but kinda need to know now.

Sorry for making this sooo long. I just need some advice. Thanks ladies!!

Message edited 6/19/2005 7:46:30 PM.

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

maybe just call her to chat....and see how she acts and how she responds to wedding topics... i wouldnt ask her straight out whats going on cause she might get upset that people are talking about her behind her back


keep us informed and good luck

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

---

Posted by JPC1125

maybe just call her to chat....and see how she acts and how she responds to wedding topics... i wouldnt ask her straight out whats going on cause she might get upset that people are talking about her behind her back


keep us informed and good luck

---

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

Does she have issues with being single? Was she ever in a serious relationship and thought she was going to get married but no?

I say this because I had a few years in my late twenties/early thirties where A LOT of people were getting married. It was bad enough when all of my friends had gotten married but really horrible when my younger brother's friends started to get married... it was embarrassing because I remembered them as "dumb boys my brother is friends with".

Recently, my brother's best friend announced he was getting a divorce. This really devistated everyone, actually my Dad still doesn't know yet because my brother's friend can't bring himself to tell him.

Well, his wife (I've know her for over 10 years) was invited to my shower and the wedding (before I knew the situation) but she just can't bring herself to go. It's too painful. She never rsvp'd my shower and came by my house a few days later (I know she thought we had school that day) to drop off the gift. I told her I understood why she couldn't attend and she almost lost it crying. She was in my house about 3 minutes tops.

Sorry so long, but could she be jealous, upset.

Still not an excuse to flake out on you like that. she should be honest and come clean or never should have told you yes in the first place.

Can you give her an out?

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

Maybe something happened or was said and she is upset or taken back.

I always like to ask if there is anything going on or why they are acting distant if I sense something. Sometimes people take things the wrong way, and if you don't ask flat out they will never tell. If that's not it then I would ask her flat out if she still wants to be part of your day b/c you get the feeling she doesn't seem as interested as before.

Good luck and keep up posted!

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

Thanks ladies.
Yes, she was in a serious relationship years ago and was engaged but called off her wedding. Shes dating a guy now for a year and said a few months ago "If I am not engaged by June, I am dumping him" .. This guy is totally not the guy for her but it seems to me that shes only looking to get married because "shes 31"... thats not a reason to do it, especially if you aren't 100% happy with the one you are with.

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

Seems that this girl just has some issues, and is making excuses for her behavior. I would call her up to chat about things- maybe make up a story about "I am just calling to see when the girls are able to pay off their dresses, blah blah" because then you may get on the money issue and may be able to get on that topic.

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

Call her to talk, see how she reacts (i have bms who aren't into talking about weddings either)
I think you should tell her that you feel she is a bit distant and you want to know if she is ok and whats going on. If she says nothing, maybe you should just give her an out and let her know that if she isnt' comfortable being in your wedding for any reason or can't to let you know and that you won't be upset.

Keep us posted

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

---

Posted by tinkerwdw

Seems that this girl just has some issues, and is making excuses for her behavior. I would call her up to chat about things- maybe make up a story about "I am just calling to see when the girls are able to pay off their dresses, blah blah" because then you may get on the money issue and may be able to get on that topic.

---

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

---

Posted by Future_Mrs_B

Thanks ladies.
Yes, she was in a serious relationship years ago and was engaged but called off her wedding. Shes dating a guy now for a year and said a few months ago "If I am not engaged by June, I am dumping him" .. This guy is totally not the guy for her but it seems to me that shes only looking to get married because "shes 31"... thats not a reason to do it, especially if you aren't 100% happy with the one you are with.

---

Re: Need advice re: BM issue - very long

thanks dress twin!