NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

This has seriously been the worst day. I got up this morning and I helped my mom look at the bills. As it turns out, the gas co has started leagl action to have out meter seized. When my dad left we had a $2600 bill (he hadn't paid in 5 months) and it was still accruing because it was winter. We scraped together money to pay $1500, but now they want the full remaining balance - $1600 or they will seize the meter (we have to deal with their lawyers now, not even them). We just don't have the $1600. My dad gives us a few hundred a week and that has to pay the electric bill. phone bill, water, auto insurance, ofood, etc. Of course it's not enough to go around and a lot of other bills are behind too. I just feel so crushed by the weight of all of this. We've tried to work out a payment plan with the gas co, but since this has been delinquent since october and my dad had defaulted on so many payment plans in the past, they won't give us that chance. Today I just really feel the weight of it all "whata re we going to do?" My mom got a court date for the prelim hearing, but this is going to take a long time to resolve, and can you imagine the city marhall coming to take our meter? That would just be awful. Today in the middle of the day this extreme unexplainable exhuastion just hit me out of nowhere and I can't shake it. I feel like crying. I wanted to do something special for FH's birthdya, but there's just no money, and the airfare is cheap enough to fly him to Fl to see his very sickk grandpa, but I can't justify the expense, as much as we need a vacation. Everyone's saying we have to get on with our lives, but the truth is that they're really on hold. I have to postone the wedding, I can't afford basically anything and we have to live in this insane financial limbo. it's just so frustrating. I don't know how to handle this. I'm sorry for posting like every little thing...I just feel really down, and I think I just need to get it out. Thanks so much

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Don't worry. It'll all work out.

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Hope everything works out....it does in the end!!!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Thanks so much you ladies are great!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Jen,

Lots of love and for you. I know this has been a difficult time. Keep your head up and eventually things will get better. Are you still working?

We are here for you!!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

I am so sorry that you're going through such a rough time. I can't even imagine the pressure you must be feeling. Stay strong, and know that we are always here to listen. I think what you need right now are a lot of these:

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Everything happens for a reason and you guys will be ok as long as your stick together.
Tomorrow will be a better day just try to stay calm as hard as I know that is.

Can your mom take your dad to small claims court to pay the bill HE neglected for so long??
Take his cheap @$$ to Judge Judy!! She'll rip him a new one on public television!!!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ


Everything happens for a reason and you guys will be ok as long as your stick together.
Tomorrow will be a better day just try to stay calm as hard as I know that is.

Can your mom take your dad to small claims court to pay the bill HE neglected for so long??
Take his cheap @$$ to Judge Judy!! She'll rip him a new one on public television!!!

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Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Hang in there. I hope everything works out. Don't apologize for venting....we are here when you need us.

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Don't apologize for letting things out!! That's what we're here for, and it's very healthy to do!!

So sorry this is all happening to you, but I'm sure things will work out and you will be able to move on with your lives. And it'll make you stronger!!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

The bills are like way beyond the limit fo Judge Judy but I would LOVE to hear her mop the floor with him. Hopefully this will all get settled in the divorce proceedings. I just feel like my whole life is on hold and no matter how hard I work or FH works we can't have anything we want or move on in any way. We're both broke, our savings completely gone over this. And now Fh needs a new car, he wants to see his family, etc. I mean the only good thing about the wedding so far is that we're postponing it for Dec 2007 probably. and that we already paid $6500 in deposits to the hall, so when we finally do get to save money toward it, at least we know that that portion of it is actually paid. I just hope the judge makes my dad pay these bills. My mom has no means to pay them and she's permanently disabled and there's just no way she could work. I barely make enough $$ to buy goreceries, but also I really needec clothes and I still need more...so it's frustrating. Doug is paying my college loans AND his, my car payments, my phone bill, in addition to his stuf,f apartment, LIRR, phon/cable, credit cards...It stinks. We went from planning this big wedding to living paycheck to paycheck. MY FH makes decent money and for someone with no kids, driving around in a 16 year old car, he should NOT be living paycheck to paycheck.

IS anyone selling a car, btw?

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Oh honey I am so sorry .....thats really hard ..your mom is luck that she has you! it will work out someone ...you guys will get through it I know if seems like right now it will never end but it will!

My dad never paid his taxes while he was married to my mom and the IRS came to our house -- they said they were going to take it away because of all the money that was owed ....we landed on our feet you guys will too!


SO trust me I can say i really know what your going trough ....

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

I wish I could say something comforting to you. While I am not in a financial bind, I know how it feels to have the weight of the world on your shoulders as you plan the most special day of your lives together. Many of you know the situation with my father being ill. Each step towards the wedding is joyous and bittersweet at the same time and I wrestle with conflicting emotions on a daily basis. The one thing that pulls me through and helps is the love and support I get from FH. He is truly an amazing friend and shoulder to cry on. I am easily overwhelmed and can seem anxiety ridden from time to time. He holds me when I cry and when I smile.

So let me offer this one piece of advice if I may. Let your FH be there for you and you for him to help each other through this. If you can tough it out right now, it will help the other things seem workable. Have faith and we will be there for you too.

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Thank you so muhc. All of you.

Leslie, you're so right. It's just hard because FH is falling apart too from the the stress. When I get home from work I'm going to call this number I found in the yellow pages just flipping through. She does individual, marriage and family therapy and she says she takes most insurance. I figure it's a start for me and D and our anxiety and maybe eventually hs fmaily probems as well.

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

It WILL get better. it may take time, which sux, but it will. and, your dad will get his comeuppance. In the mean time, is there any way someone can lend you the $$ for the gas meter- maybe your sister?

another idea is to go to the church. there are church programs that give money to people in need. find out from your parish, especially if you and/or your mom are parishoners at all.

Good luck hun.

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

These are for you I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish you and your family the best. Like others said It will all work out. You may not think so now but it will.
Try to relax even though it is hard, being this stressed is not good for your body.
You don't ever have to apologize for posting how you feel. We are all here for you just like you are here for us.
Take it easy sweetie!!!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

i am so sorry to hear you are going through a tough time right now, but look up and i hope everything works out for the best for you

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

i know it is tough right now.
It will get better
but for now here is a bunch

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

I am sooo sorry to hear you are going through all of this right now!! Please jsut try to keep your head up and things will get better evenutally!! Money issues suck

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

I'm really not sure why my sister and BIL don't help. I guess they think it's enough that they pay the cable bill and other money toward "household expenses" I think everyne's just afraid that if they lay $$ ut they'll never see it again. I'm out $12K and Doug is paying thousands for a car that's in ym dad's name so technically he can report it stolen and come get it at any time. We'll see. I'm hoping for some kind of miracle. My mom wanted to pay the gas bill with the mortgage $$ but I won't let her because the gas meter they take it away, ok, whatever, but if they take the house away that would be awful, plus my mom is fortunate with the house since SHE owns part of it that my dad does not because it was inheritied from my grandmother. So my mom has 50% of this house that my dad can't ever touch. So i can't let her lose that

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

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Posted by marymoon

Thank you so muhc. All of you.

Leslie, you're so right. It's just hard because FH is falling apart too from the the stress. When I get home from work I'm going to call this number I found in the yellow pages just flipping through. She does individual, marriage and family therapy and she says she takes most insurance. I figure it's a start for me and D and our anxiety and maybe eventually hs fmaily probems as well.

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Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

I'm so sorry for everything you rgoing through!!! I wish I knew something to say or some way to help you!!! Just know you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts and you can always talk to us and tell us everything no ned for apologies!!!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Right. I agree 100% I once went to a therpist who alos treated my mother. It was a complete disaster, and I would never ever do that again. I figured I'd call her and see what she would suggst, like if she is focused on the family therapy angle and can reccomend someone else or works with someone else for individual, etc.

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

All I can say is that I've been there, done that. My situation was forced on me in my teen years, and as I grew up, I stayed by my mom's side while my sister (older) pursued her life - went away to college and relocated to Boston. Now, some 15 years later, I'm happy with my choices, but it wasn't easy. I chose not to go away to school - instead I commuted and worked two jobs to handle school tuition and mortgage payments for my mom (she worked as well). My mom and I were like a partnership. When I bought my house 5 years ago, she was on my deed - because I had stayed with her and refused to leave her like my dad did.

Enter my FI - and we were progressing with our relationship and trying to plot out our lives - and I felt like I had created a monster in enabling my mom to rely on me. It was like she was unable to make a decision without my involvement. Thankfully my FI has the same "whatever it takes" attitude regarding family as I do, but it was very difficult for us trying to make a home in a house where my mom lived in our spare room (and she viewed it as her house too - even though the $$ was mine) - she had no independence, it was like she lost her identity in leaning on me for everything. It was painful for both of us, including my FI.

I know you probably feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but you have to take a step back and remember that your mom is an adult and needs to develop her own foundation and future (based on your previous posts, I suspect that this all may too new for her just yet - which is totally understandable). My experiences taught me that I needed to focus on FI and I as the family unit first - and then whatever extra emotion, support, and money there was, I could focus my mom's way. But the reality is that her life is not my responsibility. I know that sounds harsh - but I'm only able to say that after lots of therapy and years of difficult situations.

Thankfully for me, my mom got remarried in December to her boyfriend of 13 years, so any of that burden I put on myself is lifted.

My one recommendation to you is to do what is best for you and FI - if financially supporting your mom is what you both think is best - then fine. But just remember that it isn't your obligation. And yes, the majority of financial situations will get worked out once the divorce is final.

My heart bleeds for you, because I can feel the pain you're feeling now. Just remember to think of yourself!

Feel free to FM if you need to talk! Good luck!

Re: NWR - I feel like I'm suffocating (warning..major vent/pity party)

Also did you guys have an Eparty already??? Maybe if you didn't you can put together a nice backyard bbq type party to help get together some money for the wedding?? or whatever you would choose to do with it.