bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

Hi everyone...I have a question to ask about bridesmaids and thier opinions about the dresses I like...I have had several girls who are in the party openly make requests about style...I was a little put off about it because I have been a bridesmaid before and never said a thing. Do you think it is unreasonable to not ask what thet would want?

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

are you taking anyone with you to pick it out (like the MOH)? You could take into consideration what they like, but ultimately it's up to you, and somewhat, the maid of honor gets a say.....JMO.....

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

Sad to say I've asked my matrom to go with me 2 times but for reasons she gives me she has not been able to go...at this point if I find something I love I would get it...am I wrong?

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

nope, if she can't get it together, then go yourself and pick it out, and tell them that you factored in thier opinions, and budgets, and styles, and you hope that they will respect your choice. Don't stress about it....I'm sure you'll pick something lovely, and there are a lot of really cute dresses out now.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I was in a few weddings where the bride chose the dress and it was not something the girls would ever wear and we were all unhappy.

I let my girls choose (although I got them started with what I liked) and they were delighted. One wore the dress again last summer, one is wearing it to another wedding this summer, and one is waiting for the right occasion to come up, but is sure she will wear it again. Only one didn't like it.

I had happy smiling bridemaids who felt good about themselves and it showed.

If you want nice pictures and everyone smiling, let them have a say in the dress choosing. It really does improve their attitude, they stand differently (more confidently) and it makes everyone a little happier.

Message edited 6/6/2005 10:44:40 AM.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

Be sure to take into account that not all girls will look & feel good in a particular dress style...Usually an A Line dress will make most people happy.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I think it should be a compromise between the bride and the girls. You are better off getting something everyone likes, but that's nearly impossible!

I would tell them the color you want and let them pick a style they all - hopefully - will like. That's what I did, but since it was only my sister/MOH, it was easier then a whole bridal party.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

My girls had a say in the dress, but basically it was up to me. I have a friend who is getting married in Nov. and she e-mailed us a picture of a BM dress she liked. Three of her 7 BM complained about it, that they didn't like it, and she got very upset, I also really didn't care for the dress either, but I kept my mouth shut, because I would be upset if someone said that to me.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I considered the fact that one of my attendants is a borderline plus size. She is also self conscious of certain parts of her body. I asked her what she preferred as far as style goes and she requested sleeves. I have combed every website anad magazine for dresses and just about every dress either had spaghetti straps or was strapless. Anything with sleeves IMO, looked dowdy and matronly. She said she would wear a wrap which is all well and good but to be honest, I know I wouldn't want to wear a wrap all night. I can't imagine thaat she would either. We are all going dress shopping tomorrow. She may have to compromise a bit because I will not have my BP look dowdy and frumpy.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I am letting my BP decide what dress they'll be wearing... just as long as they're all the exact same dye lot.

everyone has a different body type and I want them to be comfortable in what they're wearing.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

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Posted by Goldi1021

I considered the fact that one of my attendants is a borderline plus size. She is also self conscious of certain parts of her body. I asked her what she preferred as far as style goes and she requested sleeves. I have combed every website anad magazine for dresses and just about every dress either had spaghetti straps or was strapless. Anything with sleeves IMO, looked dowdy and matronly. She said she would wear a wrap which is all well and good but to be honest, I know I wouldn't want to wear a wrap all night. I can't imagine thaat she would either. We are all going dress shopping tomorrow. She may have to compromise a bit because I will not have my BP look dowdy and frumpy.

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Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I had the same problem when we went out. One of my BM
is very self concious of her body and sid she really does not want to wear strapless. So I let them all pick out whatever dress they wanted as long as it was the same length and color.
They all wound up getting the same dress except my sister which was fine because she's my MOH and I'm happy about that cause I want her to stand out from the rest of the girls.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I found a few dresses that I liked first but them took my BMs to try them on and see how they liked them. They are the ones who will be wearing the dress, I did not want them to be stuck wearing a dress that they hated or was uncomfortable. We ended up deciding on one that everyone liked.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I think that if they aren't going to be physically comfortable in a dress, then I don't mind them saying something (cause I want them to have a great time!) If they just don't like the color I picked, well too bad!

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

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Posted by Rebecca B

Hi everyone...I have a question to ask about bridesmaids and thier opinions about the dresses I like...I have had several girls who are in the party openly make requests about style...I was a little put off about it because I have been a bridesmaid before and never said a thing. Do you think it is unreasonable to not ask what thet would want?

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Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I have sent pictures to my BM's and they all gave me opinions but have said what you decide is the final call except for one who says I can't where this dress cuz I have big boobs and I need to wear a bra with straps meanwhile I have another friend who i s also very busty and I had asked her if she would have a problem with certain dresses like low back or spaghetti straps and she said no n ot at all she can find a bra that has a low back or a strapless bra. OR even have cups put into the dress. So I said to myself if she can do this so can the other busty Bridesmaid. Also I have one that insists on strapless dress and most of the other girls don't want strapless cuz they don't want to be picking up the top of the dress the entire nite and I agree with them. The only one that will be different is the MOH and thats it. I am taking my MOH and two of the BM's with me the two that I am taking with me I have been friends with the longest and we all have similar taste so I won't have problems with them. After we pick out like two or three dresses I will ahve the others go and see which ones they like out of the dresses and which ever dress gets the most votes that the dress we go with

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

Thanks to all who responded...I am going to do my best to make everyone involved feel good about what I will pick.. It's impossible to please everyone and I think for my one day there should be a compromise on their part.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I sent out an email the other day asking if and what preferances they have ONLY because I CANNOT pick and some restrictions will help to narrow the search. So far everyone has written "whatever you want" and I need some limitataions!!! LOL

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I asked and they were honest. Some didn't like it. and that hurt and it sucked. but I love looking at dresses so I went back again and looked to see them again and what else there was. Now... I found another dress that I love even more and they all like it. And it's cheaper!! so you never know.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

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Posted by Donna
Why don't you look at separates then? Your friend can choose a top w/sleeves, another girl can choose strapless, etc. I think David's and alfred Angelo have these options. There are probably other dress lines that offer it too.

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Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

You definitely have enough time to go dress shopping. Why don't you try to set up another date with your MOH?

I picked the color and designer and the girls all picked a different dress. You want everyone to be comfortable.

You may not want to do what I did, but you may want to take their suggestions into consideration a little bit. They are spending a lot of money on a dress they'll probably never wear again.

If you were short on time this may be a differeny story, but you have at least 6-7 months to figure it out. You may even want to wait until the new dresses some out in the fall.

Message edited 6/6/2005 9:52:10 PM.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I am pretty flexible about what the girls wear. I had picked out a dress and both my bridesmaid's didn't like the way the one piece fit, so they found the same thing in a 2 piece. As long as they match and in my color I want I could care less. And my moh wanted a strappless dress so I allowed it but in the same color as the other girls. They have to be comfortable in it too. And i wanted them to be able to wear it again.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

I brought 1 (the biggest) with me when I picked out gowns. She loved it.

A line. V-neck. Shawl.

So, the rest were much smaller girls, between sizes 2 and 12, so I just told them what to get.

My MOH was a little huffy, but I was paying for her gown anyway, so I wasn't about to listen to any crap. But, she actually went out and picked out another dress. That became an issue and was QUICKLY resolved.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

My MOH chose the dress. I kept into consideration how it would look on every body type (all girls are basically thin). Then we picked 2 different dresses and the rest of the girls chose.

Re: bridesmaid dresses: conflict question

get the dress you want. there are too many opinions to be able to agree esp. if your bridesmaids are diff. sizes. i bought all my bridesmaids gowns b/c they're mostly out of town and then they just reimbursed me for the cost of the gown. it was much easier this way.