vent/advice...

ok... so yesterday i posted about my shower and how great it was and all.. but something about it has been bothering. one of my BMs is my best friend of almost 20 years... practically my sister... her and my real sister have been sort of the main people of the 4 BMs planning stuff....
so this friend is getting married in august and i'm in her BP, too. about a month ago, we had her shower and her neighbors house- i did all kinds of stuff for it ( chocolate lollipops, flower pot favors, etc) i went their early to help set up and stayed late to help clean up... fine- thats what being in a BP is all about...
so yesterday at my shower, this friend leaves after i had opened about 5 of my presensts saying she has to go to her fiance's birthday dinner... uh?? ok?? i mean i understand her wanting to celebrate his b-day with him, but at the same time... hes gonna have a b-day EVERY year... i'm only gonna have ONE shower! it just really hurt that she is supposedly my best friend- we've been through everything together, and she can't manage to stay for my whole shower?
i guess i just needed to vent and see what you guys think? am i being bratty and just need to let it go? should i bring it up? when- now or after the wedding?
thanks for listening... its just really buggin me and i needed to vent

Re: vent/advice...

I'd be really irritated too, but maybe she wasn't the one who planned the dinner and she couldnt do anything about it. As long as she was really involved in the planning and she's there for you, you should probbaly just try to let it roll off your back!

Re: vent/advice...

you're not being bratty at all. I would probably be ticked off as well.

then again, my shower is out of state. and my bridal party won't be there at all.

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I too think the best bet would be to let it roll. Good Luck!

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aww that stinks!! i would just forget about it and not hold it against her. im sure if it was on another day she would've stayed the entire time, but since it was her fiance's bday dinner that day too, she really had no other choice but to divide up her time. i know my FI probably would've gotten ticked off if i missed his birthday dinner.

dont let it bother you, but if youre still upset after a few days, i would talk to her.

Re: vent/advice...

i'd def be upset. it's your 'one and only day'. she should have known when the dates for both events were and planned better, or gave one up.

Re: vent/advice...

I don't blame you, vent please. That is horrible and I don't know what she was thinking. Show her your post on the site and hoepfully she will feel bad.
Sorry that was a crappy thing to do to a "best friend" of 20 years.

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I have learned so far you can't expect people to go out of their way for you like you do for them. It has taught me not to go overboard for people in the future.

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You have every right to be hurt and mad at her. She knew when your shower was, and she certainly had fair warning for her FH's birthday. She could have asked for the dinner to be the day before so she could accomodate both celebrations. In my FH's family there are a lot of double birthdays and no one cares if they celebrate the person's birthday on the EXACT day, they just care that everyone is together. She could have taken that attitude and celebrated the day before.

Re: vent/advice...

omg! that same exact thing happ'd to my friend's shower (i was also a bm to). she was a horrible person to organize a shower with! but i expected her to at least stay throughout the party. instead she opted to leave after staying an hour. i guess it was her way of making an appearance. the birthday boy was her ex-bf but she desperately wanted to get back with him. this was her tactic to get back with him. what she did, along with your bm, was rude. but you have to prevail over this one thing and let it roll off your back.

Re: vent/advice...

Dont you hate when that happens! I too would be upset! But I am not sure if I would say anything. Just put in your mental notes for the future!

Re: vent/advice...

I definitely don't blame you for being upset. I probably would be too. But if she put a lot of time and planning into the shower to "make up" for having to leave early, then I think you should let it slide.

Just this Sunday I had to leave my friend's shower (I'm a bridesmaid) early to go to my grandfather's birthday party. But in order to make up for it, I did a lot of the planning and helping and got to the shower 4 hours early to set up. I told the bride when she first got there that I would have to leave early and she was really cool about it, as were the other bridesmaids. There's no way I would have missed my grandpa's birthday for anything. I felt bad enough that I was late to it, and would have been really upset if the bride made a big deal out of it.

Sometimes there's just nothing you can do but be understanding. If this girl has always been there for you and did her fair share of planning, just let it go and be glad about what she has done for you in the past. She is your best friend after all!

Re: vent/advice...

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think it's such a big deal. I understand you being upset, I probably would be too, BUT don't think that her leaving makes her a bad friend- I think that's a tad unfair.
She had two priorities that fell on the same day. I'm sure she didn't plan it that way. I would cut her some slack and just let it go.

Re: vent/advice...

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Posted by carol82

I definitely don't blame you for being upset. I probably would be too. But if she put a lot of time and planning into the shower to "make up" for having to leave early, then I think you should let it slide.

Just this Sunday I had to leave my friend's shower (I'm a bridesmaid) early to go to my grandfather's birthday party. But in order to make up for it, I did a lot of the planning and helping and got to the shower 4 hours early to set up. I told the bride when she first got there that I would have to leave early and she was really cool about it, as were the other bridesmaids. There's no way I would have missed my grandpa's birthday for anything. I felt bad enough that I was late to it, and would have been really upset if the bride made a big deal out of it.

Sometimes there's just nothing you can do but be understanding. If this girl has always been there for you and did her fair share of planning, just let it go and be glad about what she has done for you in the past. She is your best friend after all!

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Re: vent/advice...

I think I would be annoyed but in the grand scheme of things, you had a GREAT time and prob got awesome gifts and normally she is a good friend of yours. Dont let this bother you.

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I don't know...she probably was upset herself that she had to leave, especially since she's been your friend so long and definitely if she had a lot to do with the planning and setting up of the shower...somehow in the grad scheme of things, this doens't sound so bad...sure, it would have been better if she could've stayed, but in truth...did it ruin your day? It would've been worse if she didn't show up....