Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

Okay, so I saw the post by thefourth about one of her guest "inviting" his 3 children. Well, I am in a similar situation and I can imagine that many brides to be will be in this sticky situation too.

FH and I have both have a big family and as a result we invited children. However, we really only wanted children that were immediate family (first cousins) and not my parents or his parents friends children, my cousins new boyfriend, my mom's co-worker daughter, and well you get the drift. My mom doesn't want to say anything to anyone and she's like, "it's okay". Well, actually my mother told me that I should call one person (my Father's niece) and tell her that she needs to limit her guests. I asked my mom to do it and she said that she was going to tell my aunt to tell her, but my aunt said that I should call her. Basically, my aunt and my mom don't get along with the niece and I don't really talk to her, but we invited her in order to prevent family drama.


Now, my parents are paying for the reception, but still it irks me that someone thinks they can bring 5 people when the invite was originally addressed to one person. For people who children were included we addressed the inner envelopes using either the children's names or saying "and family".

So, ladies and gents: What should I say when I call her?
In addition, feel free to list the PC way to tell people to read the FUC%ing invite, if someone's name is not on it, then they were not invited!!

Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

I am so sorry that your family is doing this to you. I would call up the offending party and say something like - oh we are so excited to have you join us for our wedding, but I think I goofed on space size - I have invited X many people and the place only holds y (make slightly less than X) so you see I am terribly sorry but I can't have your (whomever was not *really* invited come) because I just don't have the space. If I receive a lot of no's I would be happy to let you know, but from the current response rate I don't think that is likely to occur. I hope it does not inconvenience you a lot to have to get a baby sitter for (whomever was not really invited).

I hope that helps. Feel free to modify or tell me this is no good.
Lisa

Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

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Posted by marc_rai

Okay, so I saw the post by thefourth about one of her guest "inviting" his 3 children. Well, I am in a similar situation and I can imagine that many brides to be will be in this sticky situation too.

FH and I have both have a big family and as a result we invited children. However, we really only wanted children that were immediate family (first cousins) and not my parents or his parents friends children, my cousins new boyfriend, my mom's co-worker daughter, and well you get the drift. My mom doesn't want to say anything to anyone and she's like, "it's okay". Well, actually my mother told me that I should call one person (my Father's niece) and tell her that she needs to limit her guests. I asked my mom to do it and she said that she was going to tell my aunt to tell her, but my aunt said that I should call her. Basically, my aunt and my mom don't get along with the niece and I don't really talk to her, but we invited her in order to prevent family drama.


Now, my parents are paying for the reception, but still it irks me that someone thinks they can bring 5 people when the invite was originally addressed to one person. For people who children were included we addressed the inner envelopes using either the children's names or saying "and family".

So, ladies and gents: What should I say when I call her?
In addition, feel free to list the PC way to tell people to read the FUC%ing invite, if someone's name is not on it, then they were not invited!!

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Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

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Posted by kdrainey

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Posted by marc_rai

Okay, so I saw the post by thefourth about one of her guest "inviting" his 3 children. Well, I am in a similar situation and I can imagine that many brides to be will be in this sticky situation too.

FH and I have both have a big family and as a result we invited children. However, we really only wanted children that were immediate family (first cousins) and not my parents or his parents friends children, my cousins new boyfriend, my mom's co-worker daughter, and well you get the drift. My mom doesn't want to say anything to anyone and she's like, "it's okay". Well, actually my mother told me that I should call one person (my Father's niece) and tell her that she needs to limit her guests. I asked my mom to do it and she said that she was going to tell my aunt to tell her, but my aunt said that I should call her. Basically, my aunt and my mom don't get along with the niece and I don't really talk to her, but we invited her in order to prevent family drama.


Now, my parents are paying for the reception, but still it irks me that someone thinks they can bring 5 people when the invite was originally addressed to one person. For people who children were included we addressed the inner envelopes using either the children's names or saying "and family".

So, ladies and gents: What should I say when I call her?
In addition, feel free to list the PC way to tell people to read the FUC%ing invite, if someone's name is not on it, then they were not invited!!

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You both are far nicer than me

I'd call them up and say "I'm so happy you can attend the wedding but your kids are not invited. If you bring them, make sure to bring along a babysitter to watch them at the hotel."

I'm sure it would be nice to invite all of your long lost relatives & their kids but there have to be loads of YOUR FRIENDS that were cut off in order to accommodate the family members who actually received invitations.

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Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

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Posted by lrs2005

I am so sorry that your family is doing this to you. I would call up the offending party and say something like - oh we are so excited to have you join us for our wedding, but I think I goofed on space size - I have invited X many people and the place only holds y (make slightly less than X) so you see I am terribly sorry but I can't have your (whomever was not *really* invited come) because I just don't have the space. If I receive a lot of no's I would be happy to let you know, but from the current response rate I don't think that is likely to occur. I hope it does not inconvenience you a lot to have to get a baby sitter for (whomever was not really invited).

I hope that helps. Feel free to modify or tell me this is no good.
Lisa

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Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

Hmmmm -- well maybe you could also mention how you didn't expect there to be many children, therefore you're unsure if you can accomodate them all. Believe me I'm also in the same situation as you in regards, to children, and I finally had to politely mention that I was having enough issues with the hall as is and that it would be an issued adding any more children in (or something to that effect, I'm not sure). It is definitely your wedding, and if you invited only one person, 5 shouldn't be coming. (It's as if they're taking advantage of the situation!!!) If all else fails, you might have to be stern and tell them directly. This is your wedding, you call the shots!!!

Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

Let them know there are no children at the wedding. And if someone is bringing a guest and they werent invited with you be polite and tell them. try to make it a min situation. UGHHH I can't believe people. Good luck!!

Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

Ugh. I'm still dealing with this issue, and it's only growing worse.

It's hard, because FH's sister has a 3-year old and a 3 month old. I'm fine with them coming to the wedding.

I don't want it to seem like we're selectively inviting/not allowing children...

I really don't know what to do. I want FH to call his friend and tactfully say something like, "hey, I know a great sitter if you need one for our wedding day," but he says he's really uncomfortable doing that. I would call, but I don't know them very well and I don't want to come off as the b!tchy bride.

And to make matters worse, FH told me that there are at least 3 other couples that will probably bring their children (all under 5)!

I'm looking into having a baby sitter for at least the ceremony. You know, because I don't have enough things to do without arranging childcare for inconsiderate guests.

Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

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Posted by lrs2005

I am so sorry that your family is doing this to you. I would call up the offending party and say something like - oh we are so excited to have you join us for our wedding, but I think I goofed on space size - I have invited X many people and the place only holds y (make slightly less than X) so you see I am terribly sorry but I can't have your (whomever was not *really* invited come) because I just don't have the space. If I receive a lot of no's I would be happy to let you know, but from the current response rate I don't think that is likely to occur. I hope it does not inconvenience you a lot to have to get a baby sitter for (whomever was not really invited).

I hope that helps. Feel free to modify or tell me this is no good.
Lisa

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Re: Need help: What to say when you call guests to tell them that their children (or whoever else they wanted to bring) is not invited?

I really have no constructive advice to give, because when this happened to me, my mom and my grandma flat out told the offenders NO - they are not on the invite, they cannot come. End of story. Yeah mom and grandma! So, my advice would be keep it simple - I am sorry, I am so excited to have you at the wedding, but we can only invite so many people, and I am afraid your extra (insert # of children, friends, neighbors) etc. cannot come. End of story. No wiggle room.

What I really wanted to say was - it just ERKS me that people think that because they get an invite, they can invite their own guests!!! Hello, you want to invite your friends or your third cousins to hang out with you, have your own darn party. UGH