My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

Little Background.... My cousin and her daughter that live in Florida were supposed to be in my wedding. My cousin called two days before my wedding, ten minutes before we left for the rehearsal dinner, to tell me that her and her daughter were not going to make it for my wedding. Great, Ten minutes before my rehearsal dinner I have to start re-arranging things for my wedding. I was REALLY REALLY hurt by this, considering the time they called, with no real excuse, and the amount of money we had shelled out for them being in the wedding, we paid for their dresses, flowers, plates, bridal party gifts, well over a thousand dollars. And after the night she called to say they weren't coming, she never called again to say sorry to congratulate us, never sent a card, an explanation, MONEY for the dresses we bought, NOTHING!!
So, fast foward to today..My other cousin is getting married in May. I am a bridesmaid. The wedding is in Florida. My cousin and her daughter who were supposed to be in my wedding were invited to the wedding and my aunt called my mom last night to ask if I would have a problem with her being there because of my wedding. My mom told her straight out she is not going to sugar coat things. I am still really hurt and upset about it. I still have their bridal party gifts that are not returnable sitting in my bedroom at moms. She told her she can't tell my cousin not to go, thats not fair to the bride, but that she should not expect me to run to her with open arms or even talk to her at all for that matter.
I don't want to ruin anything for my cousin getting married and I told my mom, she should definitely go, why blow off someone else in the family. But I was thinking about it and I really don't know what I will do when I see her. I really am a wuss and I know I won't beat her up, but I am affraid that I might blow up at her when I see her. I have not seen or talked to her since and I have a LOT of pent up anger for what she did. I had given her ways out of my wedding all along but she kept insisting she'd be there. Obviously, I am not over it. But for the sake of my other cousin, I told my mom to tell her she should be there, but just not expect anything out of me and I was thinking of asking my cousin to just not seat us near each other, as to avoid any problems.
I figured I am a bridesmaid, so I probably won't really be near her all that much until at least the reception. But what would you do? Would you s u c k it up for the sake of the bride, would you tell her not to come, would you have a chat with her at the wedding?? I know its obvious I should just s u c k it up, but I really don't know if I can, I am truly still really hurt by it all. Thanks!!

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

That would be hard for me to suck up. It's obvious that you're still really angry and I dont blame you one bit!
If it were me, I'd of course go to the wedding, and ignore her. If she tries to approach you, just let her know you have nothing to say to her.
I might ask your cousin (who's getting married) that you'd prefer not to sit near her, but assure her that she has nothing to worry about and you won't cause a scene at the wedding.
Good luck

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

I'm sure you know my story about my bridesmaid from hell. We haven't spoken to her since the wedding.

Well, 5 months after my wedding, she was a bridemaid in her brother's wedding. She and her brother are my DH's cousins.

We went to the wedding, and were the only 2 people not seated with the family. We were seated at the last table with strangers.

When it was time for the family portrait, she walked over to us and said, "if you want to consider yourselves members of the family, we're taking a picture downstairs."

We just got up, and walked away from her as if we didnt' even hear her. We also didn't get into the picture because we really didn't feel like family anymore. But, if we had said or done anything to her, we only would have made ourselves look bad- not her.

So, my advice is to just pretend you don't see her. Pretend you don't hear her if she tries to talk to you. Your other cousin's wedding is NOT the time to hash things out.

Message edited 4/23/2005 2:04:02 PM.

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

Wow! I would have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, but I would for the sake of the bride.

I would just ignore her and if she should happen to approach you just politely tell her you have nothing to say her. I know it will be hard, but try to not let it ruin your celebration with your other cousin & family.

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

Wow that is so obnoxious...tell her off as soon as the wedding is over! Its a good thing we can choose our friends is all I can say because some people in my family I would never have picked

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

That is absolutely awful, and I just want to say I'm sorry that happened to you right before your wedding! I think you should call her before you see her - this way you can talk about things, even if it means you
B!TCHING her out! At least you can have some type of conversation before you have to see one another, and I agree you don't want her to not show up and disappoint yet another bride in the family!!!

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

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Posted by FireIslandLove

That is absolutely awful, and I just want to say I'm sorry that happened to you right before your wedding! I think you should call her before you see her - this way you can talk about things, even if it means you
B!TCHING her out! At least you can have some type of conversation before you have to see one another, and I agree you don't want her to not show up and disappoint yet another bride in the family!!!

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Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

Thanks girls. My mom and my other aunt are still a little shocked by the phone call. My cousin is a 30+ year old grown woman and should have made the call herself. I think I am going to write her a letter and make my feelings known to her. I definitely feel she should be at the wedding as not to let my other cousin down. But she should definitely not expect anything from me nor from a lot of the family that knows what she did and are also upset with her. I plan to have a great time at this wedding regardless of her being there or not!!!

Re: My aunt called my mom to ask permission for her daughter to go to my other cousins wedding in May!!

I think writing a letter is a great idea. That way, you won't be worried about speaking to her for the first time while you are there. I still can't believe she wasn't big enough to speak to you directly!