Cold Feet??

Any girls out there have a FH w/cold feet?? I think mind does and it's breaking my heart. Last night we were sealing our invitations, and he freaked out a bit....saying that his life and freedom will soon be over. Needless to say we had a huge fight. He claims that he sometimes wants his freedom to do whatever he wants without my b_tiching! He just wants to be able to go out or away on vacation w/his friends whenever he wants. Needless to say, his friends are a bit on the wild side. I'm supposed to mail my invitations today and I'm so sad about this fight. This morning we talked and he said he didn't mean those things, and that he's just nervous, but loves me and wants to marry me.

Re: Cold Feet??

I'm so sorry you had a fight the night before mailing out your invites. I'm sure he does not have cold feet and is just getting a little nervous.

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Maybe you should hold off on sending the invites out.

His reaction just isn't "right" for mailing out wedding invitations. I'm sorry

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I have the same wedding day as you! I think everyone deals with this at one time or another whether it's the woman or the man. I wouldn't worry about it but I can tell you one thing. Don't stifle him. Trust him. If he ruins that trust then go ballistic but don't be his Mother. Let him go away with his friends, have fun. If you don't trust him don't marry him! His friends can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Trust me, he will go away thinking my fiancee is so cool she believes in me 100% My FI is going to New Orleans on Thursday for his bach party and I couldn't be happier for him. I trust him totally and I know he'll be calling me every night. If he ever chose to do something to break our bond that would be his loss not mine. Good luck

Re: Cold Feet??

I think this is normal, especially if he's maybe one of the first out of his group of friends to get married. Just keep talking to each other. There's nothing wrong with being nervous and sharing your feelings with one another about this.

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Posted by melijane

I have the same wedding day as you! I think everyone deals with this at one time or another whether it's the woman or the man. I wouldn't worry about it but I can tell you one thing. Don't stifle him. Trust him. If he ruins that trust then go ballistic but don't be his Mother. Let him go away with his friends, have fun. If you don't trust him don't marry him! His friends can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Trust me, he will go away thinking my fiancee is so cool she believes in me 100% My FI is going to New Orleans on Thursday for his bach party and I couldn't be happier for him. I trust him totally and I know he'll be calling me every night. If he ever chose to do something to break our bond that would be his loss not mine. Good luck

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Posted by melissaandsean

I think this is normal, especially if he's maybe one of the first out of his group of friends to get married. Just keep talking to each other. There's nothing wrong with being nervous and sharing your feelings with one another about this.

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Re: Cold Feet??

I'm sorry you are dealing with this Fortunately, my FH has been surprisingly easy going throughout all of the planning and seems to be looking forward to it... but I think more so to get it over with and not deal with the family issues. lol

You have to trust your man - especially if you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him. If his friends are going away - especially if some or all are married - let him go! When my FH goes away, I miss him, but know how happy I'll be when he's home and shows how much he missed me too If you don't have your own time or space to do things, you will feel overwhelmed.

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He just came home from a weekend away with his brother. I actually encourged him to go as he very rarely gets to see his brother. I wished him well and fun and didn't even call him once. I even had his work clothes layed out for him because I knew he'd be home late. This is why I'm confused. Was that not enough.

Re: Cold Feet??

My FI constantly says things like that....to the point where he says "I'm thinking of having my GM wear prision attire, to symbolize my loss of freedom." How F'd up is that? After so many times of hearing it, I've learned to ignore it, b/c we will have an argument about it. In the end, I came to realize, if I'm that bad of a person and he doesn't want to get married, then why in God's name did you put a ring on my finger????? They're all Aholes! Especially since they know that right now it's already too late to back out! Like you need anymore stress right now!

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Posted by ChristineAEid
Especially since they know that right now it's already too late to back out! Like you need anymore stress right now!

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Re: Cold Feet??

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by ChristineAEid
Especially since they know that right now it's already too late to back out! Like you need anymore stress right now!

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I'd be knocking on wood after writing that! Not to scare anyone, but I have heard of men just not to show for the ceremony...At all! Sure, it is different, and it will be life-changing...But see how he feels as it gets closer. Honestly I would be so pissed if he was away a full weekend and never called me. That's not cool.

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Re: Cold Feet??

I would give him a taste of his own medicine

Not in a bad way- maybe if you just back off a little more, he will realize how silly he was being

Good luck

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I think if he wanted out, he would not have said those things. Men feel that they are missing something & part of me believes that they always will feel that way - but that doesn't mean they don't love us or want to be with us. I'm actually a bit nervous myself, I've lived alone for a long time & now I'm going to be sharing my life with someone for always & forever!!!!

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I think its completely normal and maybe this is the best way to actually sit down and talk about your relationship. Honestly find out what he would like in the marriage, if he would like more time with his friends, ask him what puts him off when he says he wants to go away. I think talking about your relationship/marriage beforehand is just so great and open because then he understands a little more what your expectations are and what you are willing to concede with. It might just make the whole planning process easier. Another thing is is sometimes guys hear it from their friends about what it is like to be married and most men I know don't exactly sit around and praise their spouses to one another. They'll make jokes about how horrible it is, blah blah blah whether they mean it or not. It could be just building up inside of him. But I think the most important thing is to honestly sit down with him now, while everything is still new and without punishing one another figure out what you are both looking for out of the relationship. Maybe go out to a restaurant or a picnic in the park where its just the two of you so that you can go into those with open eyes and hearts. It is a HUGE step for both men and women and I think sometimes women (I know myself included) get so wrapped up in the planning of the wedding and the excitement with all the parties and everything that we can kind of lose sight of what is really happening until once in awhile it hits you and you say to yourself, "Holy cr@p! This is huge!" And hopefully after a couple of moments of reflection, you smile afterwards. Men don't have that, I don't want to say distraction, but they don't have that focus on the wedding, their ideas, thoughts, concerns about forever could always be more at the forefront of their minds. It sounds so cliche but talk, talk, talk, talk until your blue in the face and you're willing to make up with a bunch of kisses!!!!!!

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Posted by simbacat
My grandma always told me "make sure he loves you more"

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Re: Cold Feet??

i think its completely normal. I had a bit of that same feeling when I was about to mail ours. Its normal, and I think that its great that he shared it with you. I shared it with FH... we lauphed. Its true.. we are loosing our freedom, but ofcourse, gaining so much more!

I think you should buy him some wool sox and make up!

Re: Cold Feet??

Thanks everyone for your advice.

Re: Cold Feet??

My FH was the one who wanted to get married and I kept pushing it off. I loved him but were in so many bad relationships that I just figured I would get excited about getting married and he'd leave anyhow. Then I overheard him telling his bestfriend how I was definetly the one and how he planned to ask me, well that was 3yrs. before he actually did. In the mean time I got pissed and started harping on it. Well one day before he could afford a ring he asked me but told me that he would ask me again with the ring, needless to say the ring is paid for since November and sitting in a cabinet next to me and we are eloping in June Here's were we get back to your situation. Even though we are making all these plans and Im pissed I dont have my yet, the closer we get to leaving to elope the more I try to convince him the streak of bad luck is trying to tell us not to do it. Maybe we should hold off until next year, maybe we arent meant to get married, horrible dreams of him marrying someone else, or catching him with someone else, etc, etc.... Needless to say this was our conversation all the way to the church last night. On the way home we talked about finishing up our plans to Vegas. So Im the one with cold feet and I think alot of the things that come out of my mouth arent necessarily whats in my heart. Mail your invites.JMO

Re: Cold Feet??

Good luck, keep us updated...

Re: Cold Feet??

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Posted by Capulet72
Maybe we should hold off until next year, maybe we arent meant to get married, horrible dreams of him marrying someone else, or catching him with someone else, etc, etc....

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Message edited 4/12/2005 2:21:23 PM.

Re: Cold Feet??

Wow, this is some post. I agree that most people really don't take marriage seriously. For example, my best friend of 17yrs just married a guy she hardly knew. Needless to say, it's now 2 weeks later and they're talking about getting it annulled. All these stupid "reality" shows make it seem like it's no big deal...that there's always divorce.

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Posted by ChristineAEid

My FI constantly says things like that....to the point where he says "I'm thinking of having my GM wear prision attire, to symbolize my loss of freedom." How F'd up is that? After so many times of hearing it, I've learned to ignore it, b/c we will have an argument about it. In the end, I came to realize, if I'm that bad of a person and he doesn't want to get married, then why in God's name did you put a ring on my finger????? They're all Aholes! Especially since they know that right now it's already too late to back out! Like you need anymore stress right now!

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Re: Cold Feet??

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by Capulet72
Maybe we should hold off until next year, maybe we arent meant to get married, horrible dreams of him marrying someone else, or catching him with someone else, etc, etc....

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I don't mean this to be rude at all, I am just curious...Do you take marriage with your FH more seriously than having children with him? I know you have kids with your FH, and I know for me having kids together would be a much larger commitment than marriage. Of course I take my vows seriously and plan on being together forever, but there is divorce, while children are really forever...I'm just curious about the different views. I know some couples like Susan Sarandon never feel the need to make it official. Maybe that is a way to make men feel they have their freedom, even though the long term relationship is there...I don't know what the solution is. Clearly with half of all couples divorcing there is a problem, but I don't know how it can be fixed...

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