Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

This might get long so please bear with me...

I didn't want any kids at our wedding besides those in or directly related to the people in the BP. My uncle from FL is engaged to this woman who has a sweet but very annoying daughter. She's always trying to act more grown up than she is, always wants to be in the adult's business, very nosey, etc etc. Anyway, she was not invited (the daughter) but my uncle and his fiance of course where.

About 3 weeks before the wedding my mom calls me and asks if this little girl (who is about 10) can come to the wedding. (Let's call her Ginny to make it easier). I told my mother that she was being very rude for even asking (my uncle's fiance) and that she (my mom) knew my policy on kids at the wedding. I told her that non-BP kids showing up at the wedding would really insult and offend DHs family who were told NO CHILDREN. Then I told her that I didn't need to be dealing with this crap so close to the wedding and to please handle it and not bring it up to me again. She never brought it up again.

Well... not only was Ginny AT my wedding --- and this is the part that really stings --- SHE CAUGHT THE BOUQUET AT MY WEDDING!!!!!!. Grrrr.... you don't know how angry it makes me just to type that. This will ALWAYS ALWAYS bug me. It should have been one of my BMs that caught the bouquet. That little girl should never even have been at the wedding, much less in the pool of girls waiting to catch the bouquet --she IS TEN for pete's sake. Oh... and she BARELY caught it... more like she ripped out of the hands of one of my BMs!!!

I've never said anything to my Mom about it. I know I should be mad at my Mom but I'm not. I know this woman must've put her in a tough position and made her say yes. But why wouldn't this woman make the brat give the bouquet back and let me re-throw it??? Why would she let a ten yr old go up there and catch it in the first place???!!?!

Anyway... this is one of those things that happened at my wedding that I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of. It occurred to me when one of my BMs was talking to a mutual friend of ours that got married in 2003. This bride had lots of things go wrong at her wedding and they were discussing this bouquet thing at my wedding and my BM said "yes, I think she's over it" and the other bride said -- "Oh NO! She'll NEVER get over it. That's one of those things that a bride NEVER gets over!"

And I thought... wow, she's probably right. It's not one of those cute quirky little things that happen at weddings that make them so personal (like my limo making me late to my ceremony)...it's not cute at all!!

So my questions:

1 - Would you be upset or angry at this situation if you were in my shoes? Would you bother to say anything to anyone now? Would you have handled it differently before the wedding or on the day of?? Would you have a tough time getting over it?

2 - Did anything like this happen at your wedding...something that you think will ALWAYS bug you as a bride??

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Yes I would be angry, yes I would say something. If it makes you feel better to get it off your chest I would take it directly to the source-NOt your mom though. If you don't want the confrontation, I would write a letter expressing all my feelings, put it in an envelope and never mail it. At least you got it out somehow. That's soo messed up! Just think more about your husband and the magic on that day!

THings that happened at/before my wedding I cannot forget..Hmmm

1-Just got over my girls not putting together a bachelorette party. Still bothers me sometimes though

2-My cousins upsetting me, splitting up the family 3 months before my wedding. Threatening not to go, upsetting my grandmother then showing up and leaving before dinner. And then STIFFING ME! That I will NEVER FORGET!! Should have just kept their a$$es home!

3-My bridal party,because they were all mutual friends with that cousin, my MOH who dropped out then had the nerve to show up, spending time with her outside, and being MIA til she left.

2 & 3 I have yet to express to the offenders. Don't know if I ever will, but my #1 disappointment has been made quite clear.

Good luck with a tough situation! It's solely up to you though. Sometimes it's best to let it out, sometimes it's best to forgive but Never forget! So sorry my date twin!

Message edited 2/26/2005 12:52:44 PM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

i did not get a bachelorette party either....and i am not quite over it yet, it just hurt after all i have always organizaed and done for all them!, even though i know its petty!

i also will never get over the fact that my mmil was not there - she passed away 366 days before our special day - it seems surreal and was beyond our control (obviously!) but dh and i still can't believe she wasn't there and won't ever be there again.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Message edited 3/5/2005 12:50:06 AM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

well, my day was amazing. but yeah, there were things that bugged me.

1. kids-my family insisted on me inviting every single kid even though dh's family said that i shouldn't and I WAS PAYING FOR THEM!!! ugh.

2. one b/m waited until 2 weeks before the wedding to get a dress. i allowed them to pick their dresses and i did this so that they could wear what flattered them and what they could afford. this b/m was broke, but wound up getting an expensive dress two weeks before. and i felt guilty about it.

3. the morning of, my sil got her period and was an absolute beotch to our hairdresser and while my mil was dealing with her, i wound up getting dressed all by myself. sounds silly but i thought i'd have SOME help getting zipped up. nooooo!!!

4. i didn't get a bach. party. nothing. i had 4 girls. one threw me my shower, so although she would've rathered thrown a bach. party, she felt like nobody was doing anything about a shower and wanted to make sure i got one. so i basically threw my own bach. party. but that b/m couldn't go. then my sil didn't want to go out thta night and so it was me meeting my two friends from h/s at 10:30 at night meeting at a place that closed at 11:30 and guess what we did? we had dessert! and the $30 bill...i paid $20! that kind of hurt.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I'd be annoyed if I were you. That whole situation was unfairly dumped on you.

My mother snapped (well, screamed, really) at one of my BM's- one of my oldest friends. She (my mom) was frazzled because the photographer was there and she was still rushing around and getting ready. I felt bad because the girl who was supposed to do her hair didn't show, but my mom is legendary for never being ready on time and then taking out her frustration on everyone else. My friend was rightfully very hurt and I felt very guilty, and still do. My mom is wondeful but can be SO high-strung at times. At least her actions have helped me maintain my cool- I know how uncomfortable she made us feel that day and I don't want to do that to anyone else. I told myself that nothing was worth losing it and snapping at people.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Sorry I am not a newlywed BUT....

I would totally be annoyed....my FI and I aren't having any kids at our wedding and no kids in the BP party...I have a feeling that some we decide to bring their kids anyway...or give my mom a hard time about it and I don't know what I am going to do

Message edited 2/27/2005 9:38:51 AM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

umm...did things like that happen at MY wedding?

Read this link:

b!tch

And, no, I will NEVER get over some of the things she did.

edited to add: I ignored her that night. I think it was the right thing to do because she is the type of person who probably would have started a fight with me at my own wedding. And, then my wedding would have been ruined for all of my guests.

Message edited 2/27/2005 9:44:37 AM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would be annoyed if I were you too. DH's aunt actually brought her granddaughter to the wedding (told us she was at the last minute). The girl's parents responded no to the wedding, yet DH's aunt said she had to babysit her that day so she had to bring her. We had the same rule as you - only children in the BP and of the BP.

Other things that will always bug me:

1. The speech DH's brother gave. We had two best men, and the first speech by his friend was so sweet and heartfelt. His brother's speech was another story. I can't go into details, but every woman at the reception wanted to kill him. Even DH wanted to erase it from our video. I was just holding my breath until it was over.

2. DH's sister - she always makes herself the center of attention no matter what event is going on, where she is or what she's doing. She was not in the BP for several reasons, but we included her as much as we could. She came to the rehearsal, DH walked her down the aisle to her seat, she came to the rehearsal dinner and she even took the limo from the church to the reception. She also wanted to be introduced with the bridal party, and walk in with everyone. I said no, just the parents and the BP. Only my mom is still living, and my brother escorted her. She threw a fit and went inside. Then after we were introduced and started our first dance, she sat at her table and started sobbing, and everyone had to go comfort her. I am not one for being the center of attention, but for the first dance I think it's appropriate. But instead, many people on DH's side were trying to make her feel better. Mind you, she is 42 years old and acting like a child.

3. After a long day, DH and I were looking forward to having a nice limo ride home by ourselves. DH's brother and sister just got right in the limo, without even asking, expecting a ride home. This is after I told them to make sure they had a vehicle at the reception so they could get home. And then they stayed at our house until almost 10PM, even though we had to be up at 5AM to catch a plane (no one else was there - just them).

I think those are the major things that bug me. For the most part, my day was wonderful. I try to forget about these few things.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Let's see -
Things that my MIL did (or did not do) will always bother me. She did not say one word to me the entire wedding day - no - you look beautiful, welcome to the family, I know how hard you worked and this wedding is beautiful - NOT ONE WORD - and it was noticed by my bridesmaids. She is one of those passive-agressive beyotches who can hurt you more with things she doesn't do than with things she does. In thinking about her behavior on my wedding day - it reminds me of everything she didn't do beforehand - we live right underneath them - so it's not like she never saw me - knows me mom lives in Florida and I was planning this whole wedding myself while working three jobs - never once offered a helping hand, advice, a shoulder - you get it.
Her ways have continued since the wedding - not acknowledging the Jewish holidays - lots of fun stuff.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

to everyone

I'm a little upset because my uncle and his wife live out of state and she didn't come to the wedding....i didn't know that they were having troubles, and are now divorced...but no one bothered to tell me that she wasn't coming until i was in the reception.
had they told me, i could have told the hall, and not had to pay for her perhaps.....

and i'm very upset at one of my bridesmaids, who get really wasted, and went off with one of the groomsmen...they were missing for hours. meanwhile, she was supposed to be giving a friend a ride home, so this poor girl was waiting in the lobby of the hotel while we searched for missing BM. We found her after a few hours, passed out, and I had to call her father to come pick her up at the hotel....on my wedding night! I was really really really angry with her, and ws going to say something...but by the time I got back from the honeymoon, it seemed like too much time had passed and it just wasn't worth it anymore.
She never acknowldged that her behavior that night was anything but perfect....

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would be really, really pissed and would have a hard time forgetting. I don't know how you were able to keep your cool and not say anything at the time, which you are probably better off for. I would have to say something, which always gets me in trouble. I like the idea of writing a letter and not mailing it. Would that help you? If not, I say mail it!

I have a hard time forgetting things in general and although I know I shouldn't let them haunt me, they do. For instance, because my reception hall did not put down the dance floor I requested, my 70 year old Mother fell at my wedding and broke her arm so badly, she will need surgery. I knew their slate floor was dangerous! I can't get the image of her laying on the floor out of my mind and the fact that she had to leave my reception early kills me!

I keep reminding myself that I can't do anything about it, and it was a beautiful day anyway. So, I'd be happy to take any suggestions on how to get over it, too!

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I don't blame you for being upset .... its completely obnoxious on all kinds of levels.

If it were me, I would have spoke to the woman myself beforehand b/c I wouldnt have wanted anyone else making any kind of mixed message.

But since you didnt deal with her directly and your mom could have agreed at some point, I would not say anything now.

Yes, there are things that happened at my wedding that irk me to this day. I dont think I'll ever really forget about it..but as time goes on, you remember all the good stuff more than the bad. At leasts thats whats happened to me.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I understand what all of you girls are saying 100%.

My FG caught my bouquet, and it was cute. In fact, one of my BMs dropped it so she could catch it. But if had been someone who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, yes, I'd be pissed.

Anyway, yes there are things that happened at my wedding that I have a hard time getting over, and if I ever get around to posting a review, it'll be in there. If I could do it again, I'd change that issue, as well as drop a bridesmaid (who turned out to be a backstabbing you-know-what), but all in all, I had a great day, and I love my friends and family.

OH, but -

It did bother me a teensy bit when my BIL made his speech and included the money issue, specifically thanking my mom and dad for paying for everything, when his parents were total JERKS about the money issue, and his mother, my MIL was wearing a dress that COST MORE THAN MINE.

BTW, when I mentioned to her that she was spending more on her dress than mine had cost she said, "But you had to do yours on a budget and I only get a dress like this once every decade or so." Excuse me? Am I going to have another wedding? And my budget issues are partially because YOU aren't helping with anything!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

.

Message edited 6/5/2007 7:35:45 PM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would be upset, but you have to let it go..I have a list but I only can laugh at it now.

1) I arranged my bachelorette party
2) I arranged my shower (only my parents knew)
3) At my shower, my husbands cousin came with her future daughter-in-law to show off her ring (not invited)
4) My mother's cousin asked if she could borrow my dress for her daughter's wedding..umm can I finish wearing it first?)
5) On our wedding day, my husband B-berry'd his work associate (female) a happy b-day because it was the same day as our wedding day). Later I found out that he did this when she said that it was sweet that he remembered her b-day. (big fight)

So, it's not forgotten, but it doesn't rule my life anymore. Number 5 was a big one.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

All of mine revolve around my Brother-in-law/Best Man.

1. Tried to talk DH out of marriage because his was falling apart.

2. Totally let DH down on the bachelor party - didn't organize it, didn't go to the city with them!!

3. Worst. Speech. Ever.

4. Fought with the limo driver and then had the nerve to tell me that it was her fault (i was in no mood when he told me that so I just said "Oh really? Well the 12 other people in the limo said it was YOU.")

5. Looked terrible in pics (I know that's not his fault, really, but I hate every pic with him in it.)

Don't get me wrong, my wedding day was perfect and all of these things were so far from my mind on the day and even for the weeks after, but every time I see him I want to throttle him.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I'd be annoyed if I were you.

Message edited 2/28/2005 4:21:22 PM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I was the one who forgot the ring pillow for my wedding and my ring bearer fidgeted all the way down the aisle. Don't feel like people thought you were cheap. I'm sure they didn't even notice. They were probably too anxious to see you

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Thanks. That makes me feel better. I erased the message, remembering that my sister in law goes on here from time to time, I didn't want her to see what I wrote.

Message edited 2/28/2005 4:38:45 PM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I think all of you have reason to be upset! Here is my addition:

1. I gave my family a guestlist for my shower, 1/2 the people I wanted invited were not. My Mom invited more her friends instead of mine.

2. Someone had a little too much to drink at my wedding - hey it happens, no big deal right? NO....my band played a participation dance - after a explicitly told them NO PARTICIPATION DANCES, and the guy dropped his pants.....and then his underwear and had to be carried away. NOT COOL!

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

---

Posted by BCTM33

and the guy dropped his pants.....and then his underwear and had to be carried away. NOT COOL!

---

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

One thing that annoyed me was that we invited DH's cousin without a date (he hadn't seen her in 15 years). She asked her mom (DH's aunt_) if she could invite her dance partner... . DH's aunt told her that b/c they weren't going out she didn' think it would be appropriate. About a week or so later the cousin told her mom they were going out.

Well, I told DH is was up tp him but I didn't want them to be on the dance floor with a dance routinue. Well, needless to say they were in the middle of the dance floor dirty dancing grabbing each other's ***. Hello, you haven't since the family in 15 years and this is how you act. I thought it was gross. I just hope they are not on the video.

BCTM33

My mom also invited all of her friends and she gave me a problem when I wanted to invite some of my friends. I wanted to invite a lot more than I did. I only invited 10 instead of my original list. Also, when it came to my wedding I could only invite 22 including my husbands friends (including my 2 friends that were in my two that were in my bridal party). The thing that gets me mad is I have a single friend that is 40 that I work w/ and I invite her w/out a guest which I feel really badly for doing, and my mom said well if you want to invite so many people if this lady is single don't invite her w/ a guest. Well, one of my friends who got married last year invited her with a guest (which she came alone) and she didn't come to mine which leads me to believe that she didn't come because I didn't invite her w/ a guest. I had to do it, if I wanted to invite my closer friend and I had no choice since my parents were paying. Some times, parents put you in an uncomfortable situation. I feel bad, but what can be done now.

It really was even though there was some problems, with my ring barriers pillow missing, my four friends and their boyfriends dirty dancing right next to my grandparents. What gets me really upset is "so called friend" and her boyfriend that took that ladies guests place didn't even bring a gift and two months later still no envelop! No I regret it even more than I orginally did.

Sorry about your situation, that isn't cool! Overall was it fun though? I try and think about that.

Message edited 2/28/2005 10:32:08 PM.

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would be mad too.

This will ALWAYS bug me: (I will try and keep it short)
My parents paid for the WHOLE wedding.

FIL and his wife said they will throw the rehearsal dinner- when it came time to plan it the told us our budget was $250. (so we didn't have one)
then about 3 weeks before my FIL insisted we invite his 4 friends. We were pretty much at our budget and were cutting our own friends, so we said no. (at that point my parents paid for everyone and anyone extra dh and I had to pay for). We were so tapped- we really could not afford it.
Anyway, we told fil that- he called us back and said "you have to invite them, I already told them they were. We will send you a check". So I sent the invites, no check. He kept saying it was in the mail.

So finally dh called and yelled at him, and fil said "if you need the money go ask Stephanie's parents." (again, my parents paid for EVERYTHING. threw our engagement party, etc.)

DH flipped, we got our check, and he didn't talk to his dad for 3 months after the wedding.