Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

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Posted by May05Bride

Horse has been crying for months!!!!
The owner put up a flier that he would pay $1000 to the person that makes the horse lauph.

Many have tried, many have failed!! One man comes, and makes the horse lauph.

Months go buy and the horse won't stop lauphing. The owner can't take it anymore. Can't get any sleep. Calls the guy back, and said it was quieter when the horse cried. He'd pay $2000 to make him cry again. The guy went in, and made the horse cry.

The owner said. I don't understand how did you do this?

"I told the horse I have a bigger penus than he does"

.. "and how did you make him cry again?" the owner asked.

"I showed him!" the man replied.

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Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

don't frown on that i love it! how can we get more to come in? i love this ty so much it feels good to laugh with a hurt right hand! ty again! plus at this rate after oh i don't know 3 years of posting on this board i might make 1000 post! lol

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

I 'm sure you will!!!!

I think a lot of people went to sleep already

Message edited 2/22/2005 10:58:16 PM.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

5 Stages of Drunkeness
Stage 1 - CLEVER

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE

This is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snob the face off them for the same reason. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

lol hey if i can make 1000 post plus help to get to the diamond great for me and well hopefully me or you! lol

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

THE FIVE STAGES OF SOBERING UP

Stage 1 - STUPID

As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realize that you have lost not only several hours of your life, but also the ability to concentrate on anything at all. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 2 - UGLY

Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror, the first thing you are horrified to discover is that you have now become even UGLIER than you previously thought possible. Not only have you got bloodshot eyes and a glorious collection of spots but you are shaking so much that your grandfather probably looks healthier. Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than to try to shave while still shaking.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 3 - POOR

Having crawled out of bed and got dressed, you are about to shamble out the door when you discover that the money that was to last you the week is now missing from your wallet. Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to it but the traces of pizza on your clothes allow the possibility that you might have treated everyone to a takeout at some point. Alternatively your pocket could have been picked or you might have given the taxi driver a fifty dollar note by mistake.
Rationionalizing that you couldn't possibly have been that STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you come to believe that you were the only one who bought any food or drinks all night and start to loathe all your friends.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 4 - FRAGILE

As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical condition ensures that you feel liable to shatter if anyone even speaks to you

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS

This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately, everyone can spot this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause from a great distance. Even worse, they know that they can complete your misery by making fun of you, and that you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR to bribe them and too UGLY to hide.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

when we were in college, we had nothing else to do than collect jokes. So, now, I am spitting out all my old jokes.

I like it! It sounds new to you!

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

what do you call a blond who colored her hair brunette?

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

been there done that ! lol

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Virtual Intelligence.

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

i am bad likei said when it come's to joke! and yes they are all new to me! i love it!

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.

When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.

The cop says, 'How is this possible?' The guy says,'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

A russian, italian and a an french are lost on a island. They find a whole bunch of liquer. They figure they might as well drink, since they will die anyway.

Amongst drinking and opening the bottle they find a genie. A genie says since there is 3 of them, they each get a wish.

Italian goes first, wishes for a huge villa in Rome, lots of money, cars, ladies and servants. Poof, wish comes true.

French guy goes next. He wants a Place in paris, with lots of money, girls, cars, planes and everything else.

Than goes the Russian. By than, he has drunk a LOT of vodka bottles! He thinks "man, they were all such great company!!! " His wish : Bring them all back here to drink with me!

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

i love all your jokes i am gonna have to print some of these out !

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

109 more post to go for me to get 1000 yuppie! it only took me almost 3 years! do you know if they still give out a tee shirt for 1000 post?

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.