i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

Ok, here's the situation.

FH and I were engaged in August 2004. We had been together nearly 4 years, but went through a 3 month break up from Oct 2003-Jan 2004. It was ugly. And the worst part...we work in the same building.

I have a friend...Cathy. Cathy has been really good to me. During the break up, she called me and stopped by to see me (she works there too). We went for drinks, and she even introduced me to a guy (which obviously didn't pan out).

According to FH, Cathy dislikes him (even before the break up). She has never talked to him. She is my friend, but not his. The weird thing is, she just doesn't talk to any of the guys we work with, not just him. But I like her.

She was very excited when we got engaged. Apparently, she is excited for me only, because she hasn't congratulated him or talked to him. She has asked me about the planning every step of the way...and I've shared tons of details with her along the way. She has mentioned how excited she is to be at the wedding.

FH and I are arguing because he doesn't want her there. He feels it would be an "insult" to him that she would be there, because she doesn't speak to him.

I've tried to explain that I want her there, and just because we work together doesn't mean that we have to have the same friends. Besides, I have basically invited her already by sharing so much of my planning.

What would you do? I would feel awful not inviting her, but I don't want FH to be upset.

TIA.

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

I don't understand why it bothers your FH so much...is there something more to it?

You say she doesn't speak to him, is she intentionally nasty to him? Does she even say hi to him? It seems bit odd...like there is something more to the situation....

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

i dont get why hes being like that

its your friend and even if she doesnt speak to him, youre allowed to invite her

i have friends that my fh doesnt know well at all and they are being invited

you are officially justified in your right to invite her

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

nevermind.. what i put made no sense.. ill repost

Message edited 2/13/2005 8:35:04 PM.

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

Honestly, he's acting like a child... or worse, a girl . You need to invite her. You've said that you've shared everything with her, how could you not possibly have her there?

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

Thank you. I really want to invite her, and you've helped me confirm this in my mind. Thanks!

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

Explain to your fh and that each of you are entitled to invite your own friends and ur mutual friends and shes included in that...

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

I would not invite anyone that my Fh felt uncomfortable around. I mean, she may be your friend but she also hooked you up with another guy during your breakup. The fact that she is happy for you and has congratualted you and not your Fh says a lot to me.

If it were me, Fh and I are a pair. I want people who are happy for us as a couple at my wedding not just for me. IMO.....

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

I think you should have a little chat with your friend. What is her reason for not speaking to your FH? As your friend she should NOT be rude or snobbish towards your FH. I don't think he's being unreasonable. I'd be uncomfortable too if FH was inviting people that didn't even like me to our wedding. JMHO. Hope this gives another perspective.

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

FH needs to just get over it.

There are people that FH is inviting that I dont even know but they are his friends..... so he should invite them.

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

This is a tough situation. On one hand, I want him to feel comfortable, but it's my day too, and she is my friend. She isn't mean to him...she is just shy in my opinion. Honestly, there are going to be so many people there, that he won't even care she is there. And I would never tell him NOT to invite anyone...even if I didn't like them. That's just me.

Re: i need some advice.....LONG! sorry!

There's something underlying here. Maybe speak to her.