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thefourth
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/05 332 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/4/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Glen Island Harbor Club
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Why do people invite themselves???
And why does FH have no backbone when it comes to this??? 
He gets a phone call this weekend from a "friend." Let's call her Jane. They used to go to the same church and were friendly, but not really that close.
Anyway, we sent out the first batch of STDs last week, and lots of his friends in the same circle received theirs on Friday. One of FH's friends called him to invite him to dinner that night (Jane was also going) and to tell him that he got our STD. We can't make it to dinner, so we decline. Lo and behold, Jane calls on Saturday to ask how the wedding planning is coming along and how she can't wait for our wedding in July!
Of course, FH is too nice to tell her that she wasn't on our guest list, so now we have to invite her!
I met this girl once at a birthday party and I'm not even sure if she knows my name. Grr...this makes me so grumpy, since FH knows that I wanted to have as intimate of a wedding as possible.
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Posted 2/7/05 2:18 PM 
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JimmysBride
Board Princess
Member since 7/03 10135 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Well...I wouldn't exactly blame your FH on this one. This chick was very rude to assume she was invited...(don't people think?? she didn't get an STD and the other friend DID!)
Also, if you rarely see this girl, if your FH never exactly told her that Yes, she was invited, DON'T SEND her an invite. Simple as that.
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Posted 2/7/05 2:28 PM
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jpavig
Board Fanatic
Member since 8/04 749 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/24/2005 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
lol, I know it's not funny but sometimes you just have to laugh. FH called me this morning and told me he ran into one of our friends brothers and says, "Do we have him on the list? We should invite him, I like him"
I think FH has hung out with him maybe 2 times. I was like whatever, when it comes down to mailing the invites he'll forget anyway.
But back to "Jane," your wedding isn't until July. Hopefully he'll forget that he wanted to invite her by then. 
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Posted 2/7/05 2:29 PM
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divabride
Being Bridezilla aint so bad!
Member since 12/03 7026 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by thefourth
Of course, FH is too nice to tell her that she wasn't on our guest list, so now we have to invite her!
Wait.... so did he tell her she was invited or did he not respond to her comment? Either way, I wouldnt invite her. I am in a similar situation and I just dont plan to send that person an invite. If worse comes to worse, put her on the "B" list in case you fall short of your minimum.
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Posted 2/7/05 2:32 PM
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jesslangen
The love of my Life!
Member since 9/04 3156 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/17/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Rocky Point
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
I'm just assuming, but, the liklihood of you or FH running into her from now until the wedding is probably not great, so I just wouldn't send her an invite. She'll probably forget about the wedding anyway.
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Posted 2/7/05 2:37 PM
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Goldi1021
Growing a miracle in my belly!
Member since 1/05 12772 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/18/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Temple Avodah
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
I have never assumed that I was ever going to be invited to a wedding or other event unless I was related by blood.
To ASSUME that you will be invited to an event is a social faux pas in my book. That is simply my opinion.
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Posted 2/7/05 2:37 PM
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thefourth
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/05 332 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/4/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Glen Island Harbor Club
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Wait.... so did he tell her she was invited or did he not respond to her comment? Either way, I wouldnt invite her. I am in a similar situation and I just dont plan to send that person an invite. If worse comes to worse, put her on the "B" list in case you fall short of your minimum.
I can't believe I forgot to tell the worst part!! She straight out said to him, "I'm invited, right?" Can you believe that??? Even if she were just joking, that's SO RUDE!
FH was like, yeah, of course.
Ugh. I hope she's not expecting to bring a date.
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Posted 2/7/05 2:48 PM
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AnniesSS
We're now homewoners!!!
Member since 1/05 3147 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/12/2005 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Beach Club Estate
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
FMIL has given us a list of people that FH doesn't even know!! We don't want strangers at our wedding.... why should you have them at your's! Like the other girls said, what's the chances of seeing her again? Slim to none hopefully. Just conveniently "forget" to add her to the list
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Posted 2/7/05 2:49 PM
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o17range
A native LIer and Mr. 7
Member since 9/04 1487 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/10/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Woodlands
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
When I read only the subject line of this post, I was going to reply: so that hosts can guestimate how long it will take for their invites to hit other houses. But after reading your post, I'm glad I read before posting! Did you fiancee actually ANSWER Jane? I wouldn't say you are going to have to invite her. While it definitely sounds like she WANTS to be invited, there's no rule that says you have to. Be flattered that YOUR wedding is tops on her list of priorities!
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Posted 2/7/05 2:53 PM
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wood2be
My Prince has come!
Member since 1/04 2639 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/10/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Montauk Yacht Club - FM me for details
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by thefourth
I can't believe I forgot to tell the worst part!! She straight out said to him, "I'm invited, right?" Can you believe that??? Even if she were just joking, that's SO RUDE!
Just for that, I definitely wouldn't invite her!
It's always the one that you wouldn't even think of inviting, that ask if they are going to be! My response was always "we're having a small wedding" or "our families are just to big, so we can't invite many friends." DH wasn't as capable of telling a lie!
I was guilty though, of leading a lot of people to believe that they would be invited, when I first got engaged. I simply apologized later and told them the list had gotten too out of control.
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Posted 2/7/05 3:08 PM
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beautyq115
Board Princess
Member since 12/04 16775 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/16/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club...AMAZING
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
That is rude!!
But I have to say that I started inviting people on New Year's Eve when I was drunk...my FI was not pleased.
Invites to weddings is a touchy subject.
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Posted 2/7/05 3:27 PM
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JimmysBride
Board Princess
Member since 7/03 10135 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by thefourth
I can't believe I forgot to tell the worst part!! She straight out said to him, "I'm invited, right?" Can you believe that??? Even if she were just joking, that's SO RUDE!
FH was like, yeah, of course.
Ugh. I hope she's not expecting to bring a date.
 Then I DEFINITELY wouldn't invite her. Then if you or FH ever happen to run into her just say you had to keep the wedding small... and then add "I knew you would understand, right?!"
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Posted 2/7/05 3:37 PM
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ambersmom
What????
Member since 7/04 3842 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/1/2009 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by thefourth
And why does FH have no backbone when it comes to this???
He gets a phone call this weekend from a "friend." Let's call her Jane. They used to go to the same church and were friendly, but not really that close.
Anyway, we sent out the first batch of STDs last week, and lots of his friends in the same circle received theirs on Friday. One of FH's friends called him to invite him to dinner that night (Jane was also going) and to tell him that he got our STD. We can't make it to dinner, so we decline. Lo and behold, Jane calls on Saturday to ask how the wedding planning is coming along and how she can't wait for our wedding in July!
Of course, FH is too nice to tell her that she wasn't on our guest list, so now we have to invite her!
I met this girl once at a birthday party and I'm not even sure if she knows my name. Grr...this makes me so grumpy, since FH knows that I wanted to have as intimate of a wedding as possible.
I had a neighbor's kid (some kid, in her 40's) do the same thing to me. I see her once in a blue moon when I'm at my Mom's and when she stops by her Mom's. We were never "close" persay but since I was inviting her parents, she "assumed" she was invited too. She kept going on and on to my mother about how she was looking forward to the wedding. Even expected her kids to be invited too! My mom pressured me into inviting them and wouldn't you know, her two kids DID not show up? She called 2 days before to say that they wouldn't be able to make it and at least she was doing me the curteosy of letting me know before the actual event!! Don't be bullied into inviting "Jane". You invite who you want, why she should care who knows??
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Posted 2/7/05 3:49 PM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
That is tooooo funny.  She does not even know your name but wants your to spend money to have dinner with her at your wedding. That's just plain rude. I would not invite her.
I had my SISTER'S friend ask for an invite to our wedding while FI & I were in Va for Christmas. I told her she was not invited and I guess she thought I was kidding. She then told FI to make sure she gets an invite and spelled her name for him. He had just met her about 90 seconds before I told her she was not invited. The nerve!!!!
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Posted 2/7/05 5:59 PM
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jimmysgrl
It's An Obsession
Member since 10/04 3543 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/3/2005 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Harrison House
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
OHG, it is amazing! I guess thats how some people are able to say that they have such active social life's  I'm sorry, but she most certainly put your FH is such a bad spot. Sit her in the back table behind one of those potted plants, she'll learn her manners
Edited for complete misspelling!
Message edited 2/7/2005 6:18:04 PM.
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Posted 2/7/05 6:17 PM
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chachou22
I am in wedding bliss!!!!!
Member since 10/04 1864 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/31/2005 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Huntington townhouse
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
its so funny you have this posted today FH called me at work to tell me that last night at the superbowl party by his friends house that got married last year, one of his cousins that mY FH hang out with one time for the bachelor party wants to come to our wedding not only that his parents too, I am like are they crazy what are people thinking to just invite themselves we are not rich
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Posted 2/7/05 6:53 PM
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gNi1125
Caught my lobster!
Member since 1/05 6243 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/4/2006 1:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Russo's on The Bay
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by thefourth
I can't believe I forgot to tell the worst part!! She straight out said to him, "I'm invited, right?" Can you believe that??? Even if she were just joking, that's SO RUDE!
FH was like, yeah, of course.
Ugh. I hope she's not expecting to bring a date.
Bring a date? I wouldn't even invite her after that. It's really very rude to just invite yourself like that.
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Posted 2/7/05 6:58 PM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by chachou22
its so funny you have this posted today FH called me at work to tell me that last night at the superbowl party by his friends house that got married last year, one of his cousins that mY FH hang out with one time for the bachelor party wants to come to our wedding not only that his parents too, I am like are they crazy what are people thinking to just invite themselves we are not rich
 That is soooo funny. Not just one but 3 and maybe a date for the cousin. People are amazing.
Tell them yes they can come, and tell them there is a cover charge or $150 pp.
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Posted 2/7/05 7:01 PM
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chachou22
I am in wedding bliss!!!!!
Member since 10/04 1864 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/31/2005 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Huntington townhouse
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by kdrainey
Posted by chachou22
its so funny you have this posted today FH called me at work to tell me that last night at the superbowl party by his friends house that got married last year, one of his cousins that mY FH hang out with one time for the bachelor party wants to come to our wedding not only that his parents too, I am like are they crazy what are people thinking to just invite themselves we are not rich
That is soooo funny. Not just one but 3 and maybe a date for the cousin. People are amazing.
Tell them yes they can come, and tell them there is a cover charge or $150 pp.
the funny part is they got married at vegas and I couldnt go it was the first week of august on a thursday and I am still in school so not only did my FH have to pay air fare and hotel plus give a gift now they want to just invite themselves to a wedding that they dont have to pay for
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Posted 2/7/05 7:09 PM
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tinkerwdw
Board Fanatic
Member since 6/04 621 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/24/2005 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
I can totally understand your pain. FH is very popular in my town (we are teachers, and he is everyone's favorite- I live in his shadow.. ha)
Anyway, the past couple of years he has become very close to many of his student's families, and since I looped with my students last year (had them for K and first) I am close with mine as well. Well, as soon as everyone knew we were engaged, they all thought they were going! LIke, the whole school! Especially since it is in NY (we live in FL) everyone says- OH, I can plan my vacation around your wedding! (like, did I say you were invited?) I had one of my student's parents, whose father is the Mayor, say to me "We are invited, right?" I just changed the subject.
I guess it is because we live in a old small/country town that they think it is going to be a free-for all back yard BBQ- if they knew how much it was costing, maybe they wouldn't be so bold...
You never know people!
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Posted 2/7/05 8:02 PM
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KandM2006
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/05 793 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/25/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Sand Castle
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
I really don't understand how some people can do that!!! Even when I get a STD from a friend that we don't see that often....I don't believe we're guests till we get the invite!
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Posted 2/7/05 8:15 PM
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sgusti
Board Fanatic
Member since 12/04 384 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/6/2005 1:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Riviera
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
People are funny. I have had a lot of people tell me the same thing. I usually let them know off the bat that we have a large family on both sides and after we see that number then we will open it to very close friends. I tell them not to expect anything until they see an invitation. Usually the understand, but othere don't and leave it alone. I tell you this is when you find out who are your true friends and who are there for show.
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Posted 2/7/05 8:42 PM
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M&LSept1606
it didn't rain! it was perfect
Member since 9/04 2250 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/16/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Vineyard Caterers
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by AnniesSS
FMIL has given us a list of people that FH doesn't even know!! We don't want strangers at our wedding.... why should you have them at your's! Like the other girls said, what's the chances of seeing her again? Slim to none hopefully. Just conveniently "forget" to add her to the list
Yes, but welcome to the politics of wedding guests. She probably has them on there because she went to their children's wedding. She feels she has to invite them and she gave them a gift.
chances are those add ons will make you money, not cost you. so, go ahead and make her happy.
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Posted 2/7/05 9:02 PM
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hmpena
Momma to be- team blue!
Member since 1/05 14747 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/15/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow A+
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by thefourth
And why does FH have no backbone when it comes to this???
He gets a phone call this weekend from a "friend." Let's call her Jane. They used to go to the same church and were friendly, but not really that close.
Anyway, we sent out the first batch of STDs last week, and lots of his friends in the same circle received theirs on Friday. One of FH's friends called him to invite him to dinner that night (Jane was also going) and to tell him that he got our STD. We can't make it to dinner, so we decline. Lo and behold, Jane calls on Saturday to ask how the wedding planning is coming along and how she can't wait for our wedding in July!
Of course, FH is too nice to tell her that she wasn't on our guest list, so now we have to invite her!
I met this girl once at a birthday party and I'm not even sure if she knows my name. Grr...this makes me so grumpy, since FH knows that I wanted to have as intimate of a wedding as possible.
Some people have no manners! I don't think that you have to invite her. If FH didn't say directly that she was invited, then you don't have to. Even if he did, she never received a STD. It's your wedding. If you don't want her there, don't invite her. Especially if she doesn't even know your name!
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Posted 2/8/05 1:04 AM
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Imagin916
My little girl
Member since 1/03 1511 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/8/2006 10:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Why do people invite themselves???
Posted by tinkerwdw
I can totally understand your pain. FH is very popular in my town (we are teachers, and he is everyone's favorite- I live in his shadow.. ha)
Anyway, the past couple of years he has become very close to many of his student's families, and since I looped with my students last year (had them for K and first) I am close with mine as well. Well, as soon as everyone knew we were engaged, they all thought they were going! LIke, the whole school! Especially since it is in NY (we live in FL) everyone says- OH, I can plan my vacation around your wedding! (like, did I say you were invited?) I had one of my student's parents, whose father is the Mayor, say to me "We are invited, right?" I just changed the subject.
I guess it is because we live in a old small/country town that they think it is going to be a free-for all back yard BBQ- if they knew how much it was costing, maybe they wouldn't be so bold...
You never know people!
One of my friends that got married last year is a teacher, and she invited the kids and thier parents to the church, but not to the reception. Maybe you can just send out some kind of notice that people are free to attend the church? Or would people then assume that they were also invited to the reception?
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Posted 2/8/05 10:42 AM
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