Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I'm having a small wedding (80 people). My mom wants to invite her extended family and friends to my shower and I do not think that's appropriate. I know I'll feel very uncomfortable. She says people do it all the time. What do you think? Is it rude to invite to the shower and not the wedding?

My mom will definitely be ok with a small shower. Also, my fiance and I having been living together for 4 years and have everything we need. Is it ok to have a small "cash" shower rather than register for things we do not need? Thanks.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

No...NO......NO...NO

Please don't do any of the above.

Message edited 1/19/2005 10:43:32 PM.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

You can't ask for money instead of registering. This is tacky. Sorry!

IMO you should not invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding. It will look like you are asking for gifts.

Message edited 1/19/2005 10:42:43 PM.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

no, its definitely not right to invite people to your shower if they are not going to be invited to your wedding.

there is no polite way to ask for only cash.

i hate to say it, but both things are against proper etiquette and would probably be offensive to the guests.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I think it's tacky to ask for cash in lieu of gifts at a shower.

I remember someone mentioning a store which allows you to return the gifts you receive for cash. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what store it is.

You are correct regarding it being inappropriate to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

Simba,
I do not think it is appropriate to invite people to a shower and not the wedding.
If you really need the cash, register at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Then return the stuff, they give you back cash!

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

Thanks girls...i agree. What I meant by a "cash" shower is that it will only be my immediate family and my fiance's immediate family. We were actually thinking of a brunch (20 people, tops).

Of course I will not tell people that it's a "cash" shower, but any suggestions on how to go about it. I truly do not want to register for things we do not need (I have a storage full of stuff) and I certainly don't want to look tacky. Should we not say anything?

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

No, no, and no.....I'm ALL about the "untraditional"---but that's just plain tacky IMO.

If I were invited to a shower, but not the wedding, I'd be very confused. I would call to make sure my invitation didn't get lost in the mail

We also have a house and "everything" we need....so we registered at BBB and Target for a few little things (like stuff to redecorate the house) and although we had a whole dish set--we just got a new one. The only thing we really "needed" from the registry was our pots and pans...everything was just "filler" for the engagement party and wedding. As of now the BBB registry has about 6 items left on it and the Target has 4 or 5, and it's our hopes of getting cash---but you CANNOT just ask for it..

I also used the registry to obtain all the "fine china" that we'll probably never use--but everybody needs it!!

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

Yeah the girls are right....usually it's the other way around. Some females at the wedding aren't invited to the shower.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I agree with all of the other girls - you cannot invite people to the shower who are not being invited to the wedding - it's just screaming for a gift - why else would they be invited then? If you really want cash, I think the only thing you could do is not register - but then you run the risk of people still buying you household items that are not your taste - and since they are not on a registry - you may have problems returning them.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I completely agree with everyone else, it would be in poor taste to invite anyone to the shower you don't plan on inviting to the wedding. It would also be offensive to ask for cash gifts. What you could get away with doing is registering for your HM. Have people pay for you and your DH to get side by side massages at your resort. Get gift certificates to go out to dinner or do excursions, etc...

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I completely agree. It's impolite to invite women who are not invited to the wedding to the shower. You can register for your HM or even a house! But you just shouldn't suggest cash.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

You should not invite people to your shower who are not invited to your wedding. Also, it's not really appropriate to ask for money. I don't have a resolution to that ... sorry!

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

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Posted by simbacat

I'm having a small wedding (80 people). My mom wants to invite her extended family and friends to my shower and I do not think that's appropriate. I know I'll feel very uncomfortable. She says people do it all the time. What do you think? Is it rude to invite to the shower and not the wedding?

My mom will definitely be ok with a small shower. Also, my fiance and I having been living together for 4 years and have everything we need. Is it ok to have a small "cash" shower rather than register for things we do not need? Thanks.

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Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

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Posted by stacie0877

Simba,
I do not think it is appropriate to invite people to a shower and not the wedding.
If you really need the cash, register at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Then return the stuff, they give you back cash!

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Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I agree with everyone else with the shower invites... those invited to the engagement party and the shower should be invited to the wedding. As for the cash/registry we are having the same type of problem... we got almost everything we needed at our E-party so we are registering for our honeymoon. You pick a date before the wedding for them to deposit the money from the registry into your account or they write you a check. So even though the guest may buy a "massage on the beach"... you really just get the $$ minus the service fee. Here is the place I think we will be using...

The Big Day

Best of Luck!

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

No!

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I agree. That is a big NO NO. This was one of the reasons why my grandmother and my brother are NO LONGER speaking to one another

If you invite them to the shower, then they will be expecting an invite to the wedding.
You cant do that.

Message edited 1/20/2005 9:50:15 AM.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

We had about 85 people at our weding & also had a small shower. It wa sonyl about 20 people, I think about 35 were invited, 9 it was july, a lot of people were away) but they were all also wedding guests.

gifts are sort of the point of a shower ( traditionally)
you could just register for a few big items & people will chip in if they want to , or give you gift cards. one friedn didn't register at all, but she didn't know she was having a shower. It was tiny, she mostly recieved gift cards.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

Absolutely not... to all of the things you mentioned. Inviting someone to the bridal shower and not to the wedding is kinda like saying "I want you to buy me a gift, but I don't wanna pay for your dinner".

Asking for cash gifts only at the shower, at the wedding, on the invites - anywhere at all -is considered very impolite. What you can do is perhaps not register at all, or register for gift cards so you can buy whatever you want.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

And, in case you didn't feel you got an answer yet, (kidding), I'm chiming in with a big old "No!"

You could definitely hurt some feelings inviting people to a shower, but not the wedding. It sends the message that they don't "rate," even if that's not the way you truly feel.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

I agree with what everyone else has said. You can't invite someone to the shower but not the wedding. If you do it looks like your using your guests for gifts.

If I was invited to the shower as messed up as it sounds, the couple wasnt registered anywhere, I would STILL buy them a gift. A shower usually isnt meant for getting cash as gifts, thats what the wedding is for.

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

No

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

No no no

Re: Advice - Is it ok to invite people to the shower who are not attending the wedding?

NO NO and NO !!!

BUT - If you register at Bed Bath and Beyond, anything you return they will give you CASH BACK for..........so there's a sneaky way to get around it .......