Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

I am getting mixed reviews on this. My FH and I did all the reception hall looking, and my mom was pretty hurt that she wasn't involved more. I took her back to a few places after we went to a bunch initially. I am hearing that many people go with their mom's initially and then bring back the FH and Dad's. My FH was adamant about being involved in the whole process. What was the right thing to have done? I am feeling guilty now that I didn't include my mom more, especially since she was upset by it. I thought she being ridiculous since it's "our" wedding, but i'm not sure what to think. Help!!!

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

I brought mom with me the first time around, then FH the next time. I only brought her to make her feel included, since all of the decisions will be made by FH and me (unless an unkown approaches me to pay for the day! ).

ETA - I also wanted her expertise on things with regard to the rooms that I would never have considered....she made me walk into each and every bathroom, since the guests will see them (I would never have thought of that).

Message edited 1/5/2005 4:13:50 PM.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

My fh and I went together. The day is about me and him not me and my mom.
I brought my mom and his mom back at seperate times after we had already booked the place.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

I did it all with my mom and aunt and sometimes my sister. Fh was not involved with much. He trusts my taste and couldn't really come to NY all the time.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

FH & I went because we were the ones that are paying for the wedding...I brought my mom back once we had the hall booked...She didn't want to be involved bc she knew it was ultimately our decision...So I think if your FH & you are paying, then it should be you two but if the parents are giving you money, they have the right to be there

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

FH. My mom doesnt want to see the place - she wants to be suprised.

I think maybe some people might take parents around if they are actually paying for it. In my case, FH and I are paying so.......

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

I did my looking solo or with my MOH. When I narrowed it down to top 3, I took FH. My mom was not an option b/c she lives in Illinois. Tough commute just to see a hall

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

I looked at halls with FH only at first, and then brought our parents back to the finalists. It is definitely good to involve your mom, but I felt FH opinion took precedence. He is getting married too! You can involve your mom in lots of other ways if you have already picked the hall.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

Well lets put it this way who didn't I bring.
LOL
I visited about 15-17 halls. I brought various friends with me well I dragged them. Then I brought my fh to my top three. Then I brought my mom to the top three. Separate times. I couldn't make up my mind and my mom put certain things in perspective to help me make my choice but ultimately my fh and I made the final choice. I mean we are paying for it and it is our wedding.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

My mother didn't visit any reception halls with us and the first time she saw Glen Island was when we brought her and my future in-laws there for the tasting. FH visited all 30 halls with me but one (Harrison House) and that was only because he had to work that day. I think it's nice that your mom wants to be involved but it's your and FH's ultimate decision.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

Just FH and I went because my mom lives in Fla. and quite honestly I don't think I wouldve thought of it even if she did live here. I email her pics to show her what Im up to but I believe the final decision is ours since we're paying for it. I would think dress shopping and maybe favors is were I would include my mom.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

had your mom been paying for it, i could see her getting upset...but if she not, you are not at fault

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

i had FH and FMIL with me

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

mom and sis (who is a huge critic) -fh trusts me - however he said he is interested in the dj florist and photographer

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

your mom's just feeling emotional because after all.. her daughter's getting married. let her in on certain things just to make her feel like she helped you on your way to become a beautiful bride. and i understand your FI wants to be a part of every important element of your wedding and that (hands down) is commendable! but maybe your FI would be okay about letting you and your mom have your moment of quality time together while checking something off your to-do list?

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

Here is my story i went with my mom she said that if she is going to pay for it she has to pick the hall. But of corse we came down with the meadow club and i was going to put the down payment and she didn't even give it to me or says she is paying. So me and my fh said we can do it we don't need her.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

FH-I looked through websites, got the ones that were in the area and in budget. Then my FH and i went to the ones I chose. The second we walked in to the SMCC, we both said "this is it".

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

thanks for your responses. it's definitely a mixed crowd, and i guess it's specific to everyone's situation.

well both my parents and fh's parents are contributing to the wedding so fh felt he should have a big say in the place along with me - which is true. however my mom felt she should since they're contributing also. it was such a nightmare and i'm still trying to figure out if i should feel bad about it.

i was under the impression that it was our wedding so we should look and find 'the place'. we did find a place we loved and my parents didn't approve (had issue with management) so we had to find a different place. i think i just handled it badly, but i had no clue - had never done this before obviously.

thanks again...

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

I went with my mom and my sister at first. My Fh is a cop who dosent have the schedule that I have, 9-5 so it made it a little difficult for him not to be there. I also didnt want 20 didfferent opinions when realistically me and Fh are paying for the wedding and we should get what WE want.
I ended up taking him on the one that I felt would be the "one" and sure enough he was just as happy with what I had seen prior and we made out decision.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

Don't feel guilty. Given your situation i think you did the right thing. You did involve your parents......maybe they didn't go with you first but it is not as if you ignored them completely. And you even took their advice on a hall that you and david both loved. Don't let that make you feel bad. I think you handled it fine. plus, you have plenty more to plan

I went with my parents first......that's only because steve has such a hectic schedule and his opinion is always "whatever you want"

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

fh and i are paying for the wedding. but we keep my parents (who are out of town) and fmil in the loop by telling them what we like or don't like about each one.

if my parents were in town, i would probably take them to see the place before booking. but since they aren't, they have no problem with us making all decisions.

fmil is the easiest going person in the world and she trusts us. (yes, i'm a lucky gal! )
but we'll take her there for tasting!

ETA: i think justshir is right, your mom is probably just getting emotional because you're getting married! so try to keep her in the loop with things that are going on!

Message edited 1/5/2005 12:36:05 PM.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

My husband and I did all of the planning together and my mother was a little hurt by it because it is unusual for a man to be involved completely in the wedding planning. many men take little interest in it, so the mother will accompany the bride.
I think if she has a lot of friends who's children involved their parents in the wedding planning, it will be tougher for her, at least that's how my mother was. She also did all of her planning with her mother, so it was what she expected - but times have changed!
Just remind her that she gets to go with you to pick out the dress - and she'll be the first one to see you in your wedding gown....

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

One Day I went with both, the other day I just went with my mom.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

We all went together. I took FH and my parents. It was alot of fun. FH parents have yet to see the place, but thats a whole other story in itself. I wouldn't stress over it. There will be alot more serious things to stress over in the months to come.

Re: Did you look for halls with FH or Mom???

i first went with fh then when we picked we wents w/ moms