I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

I just found out through the grapevine that my cousin (and therefore, her sisters and mother) and upset with me b/c I did not ask her to be in the bridal party. I feel AWEFUL! The dresses were already ordered. How can I fix this? I already asked her to do a reading but I feel this isn't enough. Any way I can add a bridesmaid at this late a date? Any way to get her the same dress in 5 weeks time!??? Oh my God, yes, I feel THAT bad! B/c I was in her bridal party but she just had a baby and she's go 2 sisters and I couldn't fit all of them so as not to offend, I didn't ask any of them.

They are all truely mad at me. They showed up late to my shower, left early, didn't help clean up and they all got me $20 gifts (I know that sound really petty of me to say but we spend more on each other every year for Christmas... this is my WEDDING!!!) I feel like it was done to be mean. I could be reading into that but whatever.

What can I do?

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Have you spoken personally to her about this problem? Did you have too many girls in your party and is that why you could not have her? I thin you should explain that you did not want to leave her sisters out and that was your reasoning. Also tell her that if it means that much to her you will include her but are unsure how long (and if) you could still order a dress. Good Luck!

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Nothing you can do sweetie. Cant make everyone happy. The reading is a wonderful gesture. I do think perhaps letting her know you did not ask was out of concern and no tmailice

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL BAD!
well considering you were in hers.... if you are close she should be in hers but after the fact how she is acting...it is pretty childish
it is your wedding!!!!!!!!!
you cant make everyone happy
you asked her to do a reading that is plenty!

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Don't feel bad! You chose who you wanted. I think its very petty of them to take it out on you by getting you cheap gifts and having attitudes. If they were hurt, they should have just said something to you. If you had a feeling they'd be hurt, then you should say something to them. One of my BM decided to have a small party and talked to me about not putting me in. I was hurt, but understood and now there are no hard feelings. Leaving things unsaid often leads to people jumping to conclusions and things snowballing. I'd talk to her about it, don't change your plans to sqeeze her in. If you do her sisters will still be mad. Just try and work it out.

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

You can add her if you want. Will this appease her at this late date?

My friend added her step daughter at the last minute (step daughters last minute decision decision, not the brides) and paid through the nose in rush fees but it was doable.

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Did you explain to them why you couldn't include them in the BP and that's why you asked them to do reading? If you did, I'm not sure I'd want people that were acting that petty in my bridal party anyway.

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Your cousin and her mother and sisters are acting childish and need to get over it. It's not the end of the world to not be in someone's wedding, and you should not be guilt-tripped into changing what you had originally planned, esp. when there are so many other things to deal with. There was no malintent on your part, so have a sit-down and let her know your reasoning...and then it's her choice to either act mature or sulk about it, but don't let it upset you.

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Seriously, you should not feel bad. Why would you want people so petty in your BP anyway. They're all adults and if this is somethign that is bothering your cousin and her family, they should have approached you directly for an explanation rather than using lame-a$$ passive aggressive moves like leaving your shower early and getting you cheap gifts. I wouldn't bother asking her to be a BM now because, from the way it sounds, she'll just act like you only asked her out of guilt and probably won't be all that into helping out your other girls.

As far as a resolution to this problem, maybe you could call or email your cousin and say, "I noticed that you and X, Y, Z left the shower early (or something else they've done to indicate that they're not happy) and I was just wondering if I've done something to offend you? The only thing I can guess is that I didn't ask you to be a BM. I'm sorry I didn't explain this earlier, but I couldn't possibly fit you and your sisters into the BP and, rather than risk hurting anyone's feelings by asking 1 but not all, I decided not to ask any of you. I'm sorry if this has upset you and I hope we can get past this."

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

Alright so I spoke to my cousin and she wasn't nearly as upset as everyone made me believe. In her words, "don't worry about it, do whatever YOU want...if you are asking me to be in the bridal party then I would love to..." so I am glad she is not mad.

But... now I want to put her in the bridal party (call it guilt or whatever) and of course there is no way to get her the same dress in on time (I checked) so..... do I just leave it as it (she is doing a reading and acting as witness)? or have her offically "in" the bridal party but stick out like a soar thumb b/c she will be wearing a different dress than everyone else?

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

i'd leave it alone and have her as a reader

Re: I feel terrible about this....!!! HELP!

First off I think they are acting slightly childish by not speaking with you directly and showing up to your shower late, etc. I would explain the situation to them, tell them you love them and ask them to understand instead of going behind your back. Sometimes, unfortunately, weddings bring out the worst in people...