The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

So I called my Dad...
*sigh* here it is...
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:ME: Got your list Dad, it's awfully short. Is there more coming? Oh and there's no addresses

:DAD: Sure maybe two more that's about it. I'll send the addresses if you want, or we can send out the invites (I don't trust him with this)

:ME: So with those two and included you and Oscar (my bro) that's 15 invites. That's it? And out of those and not including you and Oscar only one of them is a maybe to come? I'll send out the invites, Dad, I want to keep track of the timing.

:DAD: Well it's not our fault you had to pick a big reception hall for 100's of people. We don't know New York, maybe that's the smallest you could find, but you can't expect us to force people to go.

:ME: Force people to go? NO! but you could at least ASK Them!

:DAD: Im sending invites to those I think will give money.

:ME: MONEY?? Who cares about money, It will be you, me, Jim and about 20 people right now in a place set for 100!!!!! Even 50 would have seemed sorta empty

:DAD: Who cares about how many show up. As long as you're happy and married to Jim.

:ME: Im not happy if Im alone there.

:DAD: That was your choice. You could have gotten married in Texas and I'd have filled the hall.

:ME: With people who I don't know and have to drag Jim and his family down and plan remotely and since you're not helping pay for the wedding pay almost as much as I would here because the extra travel expenses.

:DAD: Well invited your coworkers and stuff. And it's not my fault you're having an expensive wedding. I can't afford to help you.

:ME: Expensive wedding? For who? At most and best you say you 'may' be able to offer $2000 total. Even in Texas I couldnt get married for that. And like I hadn't thought of other invites.. nevermind, love you dad, I gotta go, bye.

:DAD: *sigh* bye.

........

I hate these calls!


I don't want to make him feel bad. I love him to death but God it's frustrating. He gave me a handwriten (badly, I might add) list of names without last names and some said things like "Little Jerry and his wife" Who's his wife?

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

Also Jim's mom isnt inviting much more than that either.

We invited our online buddy (other than here) who had a part in Jim & I meeting as well as some who have known us over the years and met up at our National "Meets" otherwise called "Gatherings" that I coordinate for them.

It's getting pathetic!

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

well....how many people are on you FH's side? and what about friends of both of you, adn his family???
I understand its hard..it really is......but be happy your dad can be there at least...........

we are paying for our wedding ourselves aas well...but that way we make the choices....just remember its your special day adn keep yourself happy..it will all work out fine
don't worry
its natural to panic

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

i'm sorry!!!

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

if your list is dwindeling...why not have your reception at a really nice resaurant instead of a reception hall.

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

Its just culturally shocking for me.
Hispanics don't leave their only last female relative out to dry like this.

It's sad.

There are only 3 girls in our family and I'm the second youngest and the last to get married. I feel jipped.

You want family and friends. Dad likes to rub me that it (the wedding) isnt a big deal. I wish I had a mother figure who was excited and nervous about this with me, but I don't and my father's just not getting it.

Heck for a bit there even HE wasnt going to come. My own brother is still an if-y.

*sigh*

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I'm so sorry! Sometimes people are kinda dense. You'll make your minimum, or I'll give you some of mine!

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

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Posted by Lisa Rose

if your list is dwindeling...why not have your reception at a really nice resaurant instead of a reception hall.

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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

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Posted by Xelindrya

You want family and friends. Dad likes to rub me that it (the wedding) isnt a big deal. I wish I had a mother figure who was excited and nervous about this with me, but I don't and my father's just not getting it.

Heck for a bit there even HE wasnt going to come. My own brother is still an if-y.

*sigh*

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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I know finding people is tough, and it must be even tougher for you being as your family is out of state. Do you have friends at work you could invite? Would you be mad if people came from out of state, and they used your gift money just to get themselves to the wedding? If not, maybe tell your dad that.

I don't think it's fair to get mad at your father over money though, if $2000 is what he can give, be happy with it. Some people are stuck paying it all themselves. On the flip side, he does have a negative attitude towards your wedding location though. I'd be more mad about that.

There are places with more like a 75 minimum I think. Sorry, but I can't think of the names. How many no's did you get, if you already sent the invites?

Message edited 2/12/2004 5:05:28 PM.

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I'm sorry you're going through this - it actually jolted me a bit, since I'm on the other end hoping some of my guest say no....

I hope it all works for you in the end. Don't forget that you can include vendors in your numbers too... And I think if you've formed some relationships on here, it would be great to invite some LIW ladies/men.

Your wedding is in the fall right? There is still time for people to change their mind.

Again, I hope you and Jim are happy.

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

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Posted by MrHostility

I don't think it's fair to get mad at your father over money though, if $2000 is what he can give, be happy with it. Some people are stuck paying it all themselves. On the flip side, he does have a negative attitude towards your wedding location though. I'd be more mad about that.

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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

im sorry that your going through this. im sure it will work out for you and jim. your dad was correct in one thing that he said though if you and jim and your closest family and friends are there and thats all that really matters. you still have time to get a smaller place perhaps or you can always borrow my family lol im alway slooking to get rid of them . i agree with inviting some of the liw ladies im sure we would come lol..

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I have found that parents can be very disappointing at this time...mine are divorced and remarried which is ok but they both stressed me out I had to stop it....my Dad is contributing $0 and my Mom said and I quote "I'm not paying for a big party but I'll give you guys the down payment on a house of your choice" - well if I don't agree to move to Atlanta where she is after my wedding I can kiss that money goodbye I am thankful the FH and I have good jobs and can pay for the entire shindig our way...invite friends and family that are close to you...call them reach out you would be surprised who will come My side of the family is small only 1 cousin and 1 aunt who is deceased as well my grandparents but on my Dad's sides there are many & I called and they were happy to hear from me told me they wouldn't miss my day for anything- well now we have an A & B list I have too many guests! Go figure...I found being a Bride means standing up for yourself sometimes, its your day make it happen

Message edited 2/12/2004 6:13:58 PM.

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

veronica

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I completely understand your situation. Although I think we are going to meet our minimum of 100, we won't have much more than that. People who I thought would never miss it are now telling me that they won't be able to make it. Like everyone else said - invite some LIW people - we'd love to come! No matter what happens, it is your special day and you will enjoy it. I'm sorry your family is behaving this way. We're all thrilled for you!!!

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I Sawry, it will all work out

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

i was talking to mike and he "they should invite some LIW people" .. the room will fill up then

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I'm soooo sorry! You can borrow some of my people... they're mostly FMIL's friends and family... I dont even know them!!!!!! LOL... no, really though... I am sorry!!

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I sympathize entirely -- it's so hard to remind yourself to have no expectations of those you love.

My situtation is similar to yours in that I have picked a location that, as my family reminds me every chance they can, is very inconvenient (montauk). So I have NO idea what my attendance will be -- I could be in the same situation. The irony, in my case, however is that my family lives in NY and has a summer house near Westhampton. So, at most, we're talking a 1-2 hour distance to the wedding site from the summer house.

I think you're right that, by marrying later in life, (which is my deal too), you lose the interest, attention, and enthusiasm of your family... which really sucks. When I got engaged, a family member said "are you going to wear a big poofy white dress?" to which I remember thinking "is there some reason I shouldn't? hmm... is it inappropriate to have a real wedding when you're 34? Never thought about that before... am I being a silly little girl thinking I can have a wedding?" And the point is, that until this family member opened her mouth, I was coasting along in my happy little bubble. Family can break your heart, but they are your blood and, if you accept that everyone is a little selfish sometimes, and just do what you think will make you happy, most people will ultimately get on board with it all....

Anyway, I'm sorry that it's stressing you out so much -- have you considered renting a house somewhere and doing a tented affair? That way you are under no obligation, other than to the caterer, regarding a headcount, you can have whatever set-up you want, and you can pick whatever date you want. Just a thought.... I wish you the best of luck, and the strongest of wills in keeping your head focused on the really important stuff...ie you and your FH.

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

Don't know what to say except

Oh and, I'll come!! You can also take some of my guests... actually, please, take some of my guests!!

It'll work out, I'm sure, and even if the turn out is less than you had hoped for in the end, your day is going to be wonderful and memorable -- don't stop believing that!

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

Sorry If I were you I would defainetly switch to a smaller place. You shouldn't be looking to invited random people jsut to meet you Hall minimum. IMO the only people that should be there are the people who you love and are close with. If that means you will have 40 people, then so be it.

Good luck

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

I'm sorry you have to go through this!!! It'll all work out in the end though! Could you go down to TX Just you and your FH (after you're married) for a reception so your dad can feel like they get to throw you a wedding too? And do something smaller & intimate up here? But still have your close family come to the reception up here. Just a thought...

Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

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Posted by lullabella

Sorry If I were you I would defainetly switch to a smaller place. You shouldn't be looking to invited random people jsut to meet you Hall minimum. IMO the only people that should be there are the people who you love and are close with. If that means you will have 40 people, then so be it.

Good luck

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