I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

She called me at 7:15 this morning and "HAD to talk to me about something important" I told her I'd call her later when I got to work.
How should I handle this?
It's only 65 days to my wedding.
I'm not sure how I am feeling. I think it is about the whole money issue.. . but I asked her to be in this wedding 15 MONTHS AGO!

Message edited 2/12/2004 12:32:44 PM.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Has she been dropping hints about not thinking she can swing it?

Don't worry too much. She could have some good or bad news that is not wedding related.

If she does back out, you should let her know that you are hurt that she would do this so close to the wedding. Don't sugar coat your feelings towards her, because you will take it out on others during the rest of your planning. But if she is a good friend, don't let this ruin it.

Good luck!

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Wait til you talk to her...don't jump to conclusions. If she drops out...tell her that you are hurt by her decision. But, I agree...if she is a close friend...don't let this ruin your friendship. Good luck...keep us posted.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Hopefully everything will work out don't jump to conclusions just yet!!

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Oh Cheryl--its Janine (Linda Lovelies)-I hope that she will not tell you that she is dropping out. I do not know why girls accept to be in a wedding when they know or can at least have a good idea that they will not be able to afford it. It is no surprise that being in a party is expensive. It is frustrating because you would think she was going to tell you earlier. Hopefully it is not the case and we are jumping to conclusions. Keep us posted

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Try to think positive! A week ago one of my BMs started a conversation with me the same way - I have to talk to you, I've been putting this off for a while, I don't know how to say this - I was about to have a heart attack! And she just told me something about some stupid person who I don't care about anyway. My point: Maybe she has personal drama going on and wants to share it with you?

I really hope she has something else to tell you. At this late date, that would be so very wrong of her to do to you.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Think positive!! I hope this isn't the case at all.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today...

Thanks girls. I'm going to call her in a little bit and I'll let you know the outcome. I'm trying to think positive... but I just know what my gut keeps telling me...

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's goign to ask me for $$!!!

OK I just got a call back from her, and I told her I was worried. Is something wrong? She said "Um no but I need your help with something. I'll call you when I'm at lunch." So I don't think she's backing out... but asking me to pay for her!

HOW DO I HANDLE IF SHE ASKES ME FOR MONEY? I Already paid $80 for the downpayment for her BM dress. (stupid)
But I can't afford to pay the rest of it!
I have 6 other girls that are managing!
What should I say to her if that's what she asks me?

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's goign to ask me for $$!!!

Is she related to one of my bridesmaids??

I am going through the same exact thing. I had to buy her dress ($340), another girl had to pay for her shoes. She wants to be put up in a hotel, etc....

And its hard to give just one girl preferential treatment.

I totally feel for you!

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's going to ask me for $$!!!

Not to be nosy, but how much is left on the dress? You were very generous to pay any amount towards the dresses. And like you said, she's had 15 months to save. I do hope it works out for you.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's goign to ask me for $$!!!

tell her you can't.
You really want her to stay in the wedding, but you are out of funds and that you prefer she stay in the wedding & forgo a gift, b/c it means that much to you.

What else does she have to pay for?
the rest of the dress, shoes, hair?
does she need to travel for this?
Maybe you can help her out by having a guest/family memebr do her hair, and find someone she can stay with if she needs to & can't afford a hotel.

ETA: Maybe she just needs you as a job reference or to help her find a new job or something, since its something she can't talk about at work.

Message edited 2/12/2004 12:05:36 PM.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's going to ask me for $$!!!

All she has to pay for is the $120 for the dress & Alter. and $75 for the shoes.
I told her to have one of her friends who is very talented come over and do her hair and makeup... and no, she doesn't have to travel at all.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's going to ask me for $$!!!

I don't think you should pay. I think its an honor to be asked and you just suck up the cost of it. We all have had to do it. She should have brought her lunch for the past 15 months. Still, I have no ide what I would say if someone asked me to pay...Good Luck.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today UPDATE: I think she's going to ask me for $$!!!

she must be related to one of my BM's when I had my sinus surgery in August she told me she couldn't buy the BM shoes (50-60$) but she sent me a flower arragement that was about 80-100$ -

She has been crying proverty to my BM's (about the shower favors she begged to be in charge of) but she just sent me a get well boyd's teddy bear from 1800-flowers yesterday. I know she means well but....

Good luck

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

Well she asked me for money.
I told her that there was no way I could do anything for her (um I have a house, loans and a wedding to pay for) She told me everytime she has money saved she has to spend it on something that comes up... car, school loans, speeding ticket... So she doesn't know what to do. I told her to call Lilette's and find out what type of payment program they can offer her.
She doesn't want to ask her boyfriend (b.c he gets all his $$ from his parents and she doesn't want to borrow $$ from his parents)
and as a last resort, she's going to call her mom... who she doesn't have a good relationship with.
She doesn't want to drop out, but she doesn't know what she's going to do.
PS-
The BM dress appt. is on THIS Saturday, and that's when the payment is due.
Ugh. How do I handle this one??

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

Sorry that you're going through this. I'm not sure of your BM's age but it seems weird that she can't come up with the remaining $120 for her dress to pick it up. She could just take an advance on her credit card for that amount.

I really don't have any great advice but if I was you I would not give her any $$. You mentioned she has other resources and she should just use them.

Again sorry that you're getting stressed.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

yeah- I was going to suggest credit cards.
not the best bet financially, but it works inthe short term, if you're stuck.

Does she have anything she can sell?

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

i know how you feel because my sister did the same thing to me. my mother and i paid for her dress shoes cape and she insisted that she had her hair and make up done professionally like the rest of the girls and then when it was time to pay she said oh i didnt know we had to pay? i was stuck paying for that too. i dont think its fair to the other girls so i wouldnt give her the money. i regret doing it for my sister. she also had me pay for my nephews tux... i that she will find the money so how and if she doesnt dont let it ruin your friendship.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

tough situation.. but i agree with the other girls.. if it were me I wouldnt pay.. you already paid for almost half of the dress... she should be able to come up with $120.. which is very reasonable.. and may be buy different shoes so she doesnt have to spend an extra 75...

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

Sorry to hear that this was the main reason FH and I decided to have a small wedding party - our motto only aske the number of people WE can pay for- I believe its an honor to ask someone to participate in your wedding I couldn't see asking them topay for it to - yes I'm one of the good ones that laid out the money for each participant at least I can be assured everything as far as attire and such is done and taken care of no excuses - Good luck, breathe it will work itself out.

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

Nope she isn't getting anything from me.
I brought up the possiblity of asking her boyfriend or her mom for help. I just kind of left it at that. She is definitley not backing out by any means, but she's going to somehow get this money. Hopefully her bf and mom will pull through for her.
I feel bad for her... but then I don't!

Re: I think one of my BM is going to drop out today 2nd UPDATE: SHE ASKED ME FOR MONEY!!

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Posted by charlotte227

Sorry to hear that this was the main reason FH and I decided to have a small wedding party - our motto only aske the number of people WE can pay for- I believe its an honor to ask someone to participate in your wedding I couldn't see asking them topay for it to - yes I'm one of the good ones that laid out the money for each participant at least I can be assured everything as far as attire and such is done and taken care of no excuses - Good luck, breathe it will work itself out.

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