BM stress - need to vent & get advice!! - PLEASE!!

Ok im stressing out over one of my BMs - sorry in advance this will be long!

When I first got engaged I wanted a small bp. I had a specific 4 important girls in mind. One of my VERY close friends ( which I dont have many of ) right away started asking if she could be in the BP. Told her I had to think about it.. well she kept asking and asking.. I finally said yes. Well she wasnt working at the time but lives at home and had people paying her bills.. she was so great at first wanted to go try on dresses and go with me to djs and photographers etc. Now that she finally has a job obviously she cant do that anymore and I totally understand.. shes working 6 long days a week. Well to try to make this shorter My MOH was asking me when im registering.. told her my dilema about how we dont need that much stuff for the house just some nice extras that we wouldnt splurge on ourselves. She came up with the idea that instead of buying seperate gifts she would get everyone from BP to chip in for the honeymoon!! awsome idea.. just what we actually needed and definitly best gift we can get - Well MOH started calling people and told them instead of asking for a big piece of money right before the wedding, every month just give what you can maybe $20 or so - Everyone loved the idea but when MOH called this BM about it shes like well I have a tun of bills I cant afford it. MOH was like ok well you dont have to give $20 some months you can give $10 or $5 or even $1 its whatever you have. BM says well I cant afford it you have no idea how high my cell phone bill is every month and I have to pay that and my car insurance now!
Now I understand its expensive to be in a BP.. but its expensive for me too.. I have to pay for her flowers and her gift (about $100) and rehersal dinner. If she cant give $1 a month how is she going to pay for the dress? she hasnt said anything about it to me yet. I am really annoyed the way shes acting am I wrong? I know its the thought that counts and if shes really broke then theres nothing you can do about it, but for xmas she got a $300 store credit to louis vuitton and ran out the first day they were open after holidays and bought a $500 LV bag AND a $250 fendi bag!!
I thought I was being really decent about saving everyone money since we didnt have an engagement party and where not have bacholor/ette parties. Besides the wedding and the rehersal dinner were paying for its just the bridal shower..
What should I do?? Am I wrong for feeling this way??

Message edited 1/20/2004 1:12:11 AM.

Re: BM stress - need to vent & get advice!!

I think sometimes things can get twisted or you can catch someone on a bad day maybe that is what happened.
I made sure all my BM's were good friends and never felt I couldn't ask them things.
Could it be that maybe she is saving for the dress, shoes, etc and is just real short right now. I always am poor in January since it is such a long month and right after the holidays maybe she is just real tight on cash this month and your MOH caught her at a bad time. About the bag, well that sucks I personally don't understand spending that much especially if you don't have it but maybe she felt she deserved it.
I've had months were I couldn't even afford a dollar before. Maybe you can speak with her and make sure she is ok with things and that your wedding isn't hurting her too much finanically and if it is let her go or if it isn't well maybe down the line when it is closer to your shower she will be able to front a few months of back money.

Re: BM stress - need to vent & get advice!! - PLEASE!!

Thank you soo much!! I really appreciate that! I needed to hear what someone had to say.. besides FH.. who isnt any help at all!!!

Re: BM stress - need to vent & get advice!!

okay, now that you have wrote some things down and have it off your chest... how do you feel? $20 a month for a whole year x's 5 bridesmaids....$1200 towards your honeymoon. To ask seperate people to give what ever amount of money will never work. There will be some who can give 20 and some that can give 5. so the ones that give more, often will fell like it is not fair. It was a nice idea..but not really practical to devote a year towards giving money. Each person has a limit they can spend according to their personal needs. Their personal needs are their's and what they want and can give you is personal. So do not be upset. You don't want to keep tabs on everybody anyway. Money always gets in the way so let your girls just be individuals and and get you something from themselves. This would only work if every girl gave the same amount each month. It is an expense to be a BM. If they say yes to it, some obligations should be met. But helping you with whatever you need them for, besides cash,...is priceless.