| Posted By |
Message |
Anniegrl
Yo! I need a bottle!
Member since 11/02 5566 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/1/2004 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The George Washington Manor
|
Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
My mother keeps bugging me about putting my FH's father and stepmother's names (along with my parents) in the wording of the invitation. I'm trying to find the proper etiquette on this, but haven't so far.
I say they shouldn't be mentioned because:
#1 they are in no way paying for any part of the wedding other than the rehearsal dinner
#2 FH's mom is deceased and he does NOT want his stepmother to in any way take his mother's place.
So, I'm not going to just put his dad's name on the invitation, or should I?
My mother is just being a pain about this because my sister's in-laws were very insulted that they weren't included in the wording of her wedding invitation (but they're very pushy and annoying like that).
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:00 PM 
|
| |
|
Robeymuse
happily married :-)
Member since 1/03 3000 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/16/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
How does your FH feel about having his stepmother's name on the invite? or even having his father's?
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:02 PM
|
| |
|
Jordan
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Member since 4/03 5708 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/3/2004 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet Wind Watch
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Posted by Anniegrl
I say they shouldn't be mentioned because:
#1 they are in no way paying for any part of the wedding other than the rehearsal dinner
#2 FH's mom is deceased and he does NOT want his stepmother to in any way take his mother's place.
For those two reasons, I wouldn't put FH's father OR his stepmother's name on the invitations. But the decision should really be between your FH and you...
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:07 PM
|
| |
|
Anniegrl
Yo! I need a bottle!
Member since 11/02 5566 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/1/2004 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The George Washington Manor
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I haven't asked him yet, but I'm SURE that he won't want his stepmom on the invite. And the invitation is supposed to be coming from my parents, so that's why they're so concerned about it being worded properly.
I wish I had a wedding etiquette book....
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:08 PM
|
| |
|
september2004
It's An Obsession
Member since 9/03 3384 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/18/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
an option:
Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:09 PM
|
| |
|
Jordan
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Member since 4/03 5708 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/3/2004 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet Wind Watch
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I think ettiquette-wise, it should be from whomever is throwing the wedding.
Another version would be to say: Together with their parents... - eliminating names altogether.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:09 PM
|
| |
|
Robeymuse
happily married :-)
Member since 1/03 3000 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/16/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I would say, if he doesn't want the name on the invites, don't put them. He would know if they would be offended. I know a lot of people who are not putting the groom's parents on, especially if they are not hosting the wedding.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:11 PM
|
| |
|
nferrandi
We did it!
Member since 12/03 5367 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Crescent
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Usually the invite is worded with both sets of parents if both sets contribute finacially. Here are some options of how you can word it:
Mr and Mrs. John Doe (your parents)
& Mr. and Mrs. Mike Black (his)
cordially invite you to the wedding of their children
Your name comes first
& his name
Blah, blah, blah
or you could do:
Mr and Mrs. John Doe (your parents)
cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter
Your name
to his name,
son of Mr. and Mrs. Mike Black
Just some suggestions.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:12 PM
|
| |
|
Anniegrl
Yo! I need a bottle!
Member since 11/02 5566 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/1/2004 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The George Washington Manor
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
But FH's mom is deceased and his father re-married. His stepmother is in NO WAY a mother to him. Not that they don't get along, but she is not his mother, so putting "son of Mr. and Mrs. XXXX" would not work.
FH's stepmom is very smart about proper etiquette, so I was just hoping that somebody could tell me what was correct.
So far I've seen nothing (on any wedding etiquette websites) that says that the grooms parents/father/mother, whatever, be mentioned on the invitation. I would think it would only be if they requested it, or if they contibuted $$.
Message edited 1/19/2004 12:17:20 PM.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:16 PM
|
| |
|
nferrandi
We did it!
Member since 12/03 5367 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Crescent
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
My FH parents will be on the invite, but they also contributed financially. My parents name will come first because #1 I'm their daughter and #2 they're paying for the bulk of it. I bet you could just go to the library and check in an etiquette book, or just stop by a Borders, they have tons of wedding books.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:19 PM
|
| |
|
Anniegrl
Yo! I need a bottle!
Member since 11/02 5566 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/1/2004 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The George Washington Manor
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I guess I'll have to do that - if I can show my mom proof, then she'll get off my back! 
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:21 PM
|
| |
|
palebride
Intercourse knows no season...
Member since 6/03 12375 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/3/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Watermill
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
etiquette says that whoever is helping financially witht he wedding should be mentioned on the invite.
i say talk to Fh and see what he thinks....he should be a part of this decision!
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:23 PM
|
| |
|
cluelessbride
Bonjour!
Member since 8/02 4570 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/23/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Danfords on the Sound
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I would first talk to your FH about it. But probably you could just leave his family out of the invitation altogether.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:25 PM
|
| |
|
butterfly20
married over 2 years!!!
Member since 3/03 10672 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Manor East
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Posted by palebride
etiquette says that whoever is helping financially witht he wedding should be mentioned on the invite.
i say talk to Fh and see what he thinks....he should be a part of this decision!
i agree... if your talking etiquette, then its the people paying that go on the invite...
otherwise another option to avoid names is
"Together with their parents"... although then your parents names arent on there...
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:33 PM
|
| |
|
jannshari
Insert Witty Title Here
Member since 8/03 2781 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/15/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Garden City Hotel
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Posted by september2004
an option:
Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents
You could absolutely do it this way, and instead of just saying Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, you can do Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe for his parents' name, so that his mother's name is on there (Jane) and not his step-mother's, because, after all, he is the "son of" his parents. I assume that they were married when she passed and not divorced, and she was still Mrs. at the time.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:41 PM
|
| |
|
tourist
Beyond Obsession
Member since 12/03 9094 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Carriage House
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I was going to do Sep.2004's way, but I thought it sounded too wordy & more like an engagment announcement.
My parents agreed to the "together with their parents" route & don't need to be mentioned, but I haven't gotten that far with FH's parents.
So even without the step parent complication, It is hard to work in the groom's parents.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:47 PM
|
| |
|
fall2005bride
Board Fanatic
Member since 12/03 333 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/12/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Brentwood Country Club
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I'm in a similar circumstance bc my FI's dad is past away and he doesnt really get along great with his Stepdad (and they have offered no type of assistance with the wedding either) so we decided to do something like this:
Mr & Mrs. (brides parents name)
request the honor of your presence at the wedding of the their daughter
(brides first and middle name)
to
(grooms first, middle and last name)
son of
(grooms moms name & the LAte(grooms deceased father's name)
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:50 PM
|
| |
|
tourist
Beyond Obsession
Member since 12/03 9094 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Carriage House
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Posted by jannshari
Posted by september2004
an option:
Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents
You could absolutely do it this way, and instead of just saying Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, you can do Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe for his parents' name, so that his mother's name is on there (Jane) and not his step-mother's, because, after all, he is the "son of" his parents. I assume that they were married when she passed and not divorced, and she was still Mrs. at the time.
good point. I didn't realize that when I responded, but yes, that is a good way to mention the mother.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:51 PM
|
| |
|
may04bride
Board Enthusiast
Member since 10/03 117 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/15/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
My parents are divorced and both my mom and dad are remarried. I am lucky because I have a very good relationship with all of them For our invitations we are saying:
Together with their parents
Brides name
and
Grooms name
request the honor of your presence etc..
I was worried that my FIL's would be insulted that their name wasn't on it but they were okay with this. It would have been too long to put all 6 parent's names plus our names on it.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:53 PM
|
| |
|
september2004
It's An Obsession
Member since 9/03 3384 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/18/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Posted by Anniegrl
But FH's mom is deceased and his father re-married. His stepmother is in NO WAY a mother to him. Not that they don't get along, but she is not his mother, so putting "son of Mr. and Mrs. XXXX" would not work.
but if you do something like :
son of
Mr. and Mrs. First Name Dad and First Name Mom Last Name
then you are simply stating who the parents are/were of the groom, the first line referencing the brides parents indicates that they are the ones who are hosting the event.
the problem that i have is, is that traditionally the formal way of addressing couples is:
Mr. and Mrs. First Name Male Last Name
so the female loses her identity completely.
etiquette, shmetiquette, ultimately we are going to do whatever we feel most comfortable with, and what reflects both our personality to set the tone of the day. we are going to have all parents named on the invitation, but our parents names will go first as they are contributing the event. we wanted to do "together with our parents" but my mother wants both sets mentioned by name, we need to iron out the details...
personally, i think mentioning the deceased is fine on the invitation as long as it is not worded as they are hosting the event...
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 12:56 PM
|
| |
|
Anniegrl
Yo! I need a bottle!
Member since 11/02 5566 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/1/2004 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The George Washington Manor
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Thanks everyone! I just e-mailed FH's dad to see what he thinks - I doubt he'll want his deceased wife's name on the invite since it might make his new wife feel a little left out, but I did tell him that I can put both their names on the program (ex. Father and Stepmother of the Groom.....Mr. and Mrs. XXXX) and also mention FH's mom because we're going a memorial candle for her. That should be good enough.
Message edited 1/19/2004 1:01:12 PM.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 1:00 PM
|
| |
|
jlfp
Board Enthusiast
Member since 9/03 79 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/7/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Watermill
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I also am having a hard time with the invite wording,nit sure who/ or who not to put on there.
i think I have decided on
Together with our families
B
&
G
celebrate.....
It includes everone that is "family" to you!
I am using something like this as well.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 1:01 PM
|
| |
|
Nora101004
I love my dress & my BMs dress
Member since 8/03 2854 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/10/2004 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Sunset Harbour
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
Its your wedding, if your FIL's aren't paying they shouldn't be on the invite. If you and your FH want them on it, just do "together with our parents, Jane and John..."
You have to do what makes your happy.
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 1:32 PM
|
| |
|
Kelly9904
Mom, forever in my Heart!
Member since 8/03 2545 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/26/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Meadow Club - Port JeffersonA +++++
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
This site has alot of idea...
Verses
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 4:28 PM
|
| |
|
Smolokoff
I can't believe I am married!
Member since 10/03 1525 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/4/2004 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Huntington Townhouse
|
Re: Please help me with this wedding invitation etiquette question!
I wouldn't put the names, but if you feel you need to try something like
John Doe, son of Tom Doe and the late Jane Doe. --Then you kind of don't have to include stepmother.
Another alternative:
Tom and Ann Doe, invite you to the wedding of John Doe, son of Tom and the late Jane Doe.
And of course you would include your parents in there as well. I'm just kind of shortening it here.
Good luck.
Heidi
|
|
Posted 1/19/04 6:52 PM
|
| |
|
