I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Well my mom has decided not to come and although I totally ALWAYS respect her decisions..this one i cant accept or forgive. She seems to think that she cant be here because she will be a downer, like the rest of us really want to celebrate at midnight??

I bought so much food, offered to bring it all to her home..nope she doesnt want that..

My way of thinking, shes mourning Kenny and missing him on NYE...but you never know what the next year can bring, so what if god forbid one of us isnt here next year to celebrate with..she just gave up this year because shes upset about him..

I understand everything and have been there thouroughly through everything but this time I cant understand this. Now I have to choose between my mother and my husband..do I go home at midnight to my mothers to be with her or do I stay here with my husband??? I want to do the right thing but I feel like I never do..I just feel that we should all be together, the way it has been for the last 8 months..getting through it all together..I am also kind of bitter because before Kenny there was us..and we never would leave her, never! And I feel like all thats important is Kenny..and I hate saying that cause I miss him more than words can say myself..

Word of advice...dont even read my posts anymore..you see my name, run the other way, cause its always SOMETHING!!!!!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

I am very sorry that you have to go through this. Forgive my terrible memorie but who is Kenny? Stepfather? Brother? I am assuming that he passed away? If so when?
You are in a tough situation. I am not sure I would know what to do. Maybe you & your hubby can go by your moms for a short while & check that she is ok? She might really need to be alone but just a check might ease your mind.

Please don't ever feel bad about posting!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Kenny was my moms fiance who passed away last April..he was like a father to us..thank you for your kind words!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

*I* would go to my mom's but that's just me. I would want to be there for my mother and New Year's itself doesn't mean enough to us, that it would be upsetting to not be with FH.

(You made it sound like you could be with one or the other, but I'm not sure if I read that right).

Hope it all turns out okay ...

Message edited 12/31/2003 5:29:24 PM.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Ahhhh ok now I remember I think I read that here. Please let us know how things go! My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family!

Message edited 12/31/2003 5:34:52 PM.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Maybe you and your DH can go to your mom's for a little while tonight or perhaps you can make plans to have breakfast or dinner together tomorrow night.
There's not much else you can do if your mom is insisting that she be alone. You can only try and ask her to be together with you.
I know its not easy on either one of you because you both lost someone very important and very special.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

You HAVE TO vent if you're feeling down. That's what we're here for.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Sent you FM! I hope your mom changes her mind.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

I am literally sitting here and crying reading all the responses from all you wonderful women.

I know a part of the grieving process is selfishness but we are all hurting so much today and every other day as well...

We have been through everything TOGETHER, there wasnt one minute where any of us left her or the other to be alone especially on days like this..

I truly feel we should get through this day together as well..just like all the others..

As I believe, another year can bring anything else...than what..we should be together..whether it be happy or sad..I know there isnt any answers for us..but I just dont know what else to do..

To be honest if it were up to me, I would get in the car, pick her up and go upstate for the night..thats where she feels closest to him and always has...I wish that were an option!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Oh Noreen! Don't feel bad! You seem like a really good person and you deserve to be happy as does your mom. Maybe you could take her on that drive upstate tomorrow???

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Not possible at all to do that? What about for the weekend? I know that doesn't help tonight.

Can you just go over to her house tonight just to sit with her. Not to celebrate anything?

You said everyone else....siblings? If so what are they doing tonight?

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Ok well my 16 year old brother talked to her. She said she would come over but I still dont know whats going to happen at midnight?

More than likely she will stay but then tomorrow will be sorry she did..its one minute at a time with my mom this past 8 months.

We will see how it goes..its me, my 24 year old sister who is home also, my brother and my husband.

My grandmother and dad (they are seperated) were supposed to come over and thats why we cant go upstate tonight...

Thank you for everything!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

My father passed away two years ago and I have learned that it is best just to let my mother be. Whether it is to be misserable or not, I just let her be. I have found that that works best with her. Good Luck!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Lots of hugs for you Noreen

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Nov. 29 !999 I was woken up by a horrific phone call from my mother in law to be. "Joe(30yrs old) had a heart attack and is in an ambulance". My first thoughts were the children(nicky 3yrs, gaby 3mths). I had to call DH at work and tell him the news. I rush upstairs grab my MIL and drive as fast as possible to the house. I got there and the kids were being watched by the neighbors. I stayed with the kids and MIL went to the hospital with SIL dad.

Needless to say he did not make it. I have to say the past 4 years have not been easy. You see 4.5 years before that MIL & Fh lost his father tragically also.

Even though Christmas and New Years were only weeks away, somehow we gathered ourselves to put a tree up for the kids, and had everyone over for New Years. Yes it was sad, but we were still alive and healthy and were thankful for that.

To this day I think of that day at least once a day.

You can't force someone to heal or grieve. Everyone grieves at there own pace and way and some take a longer time then others. It is very important for you to grieve in your own way and if that includes making a ton of food and eating and having people over then do it.

Maybe your mom needs some time for herself. I wish I could help more. I hope you and your family all the best in the new year.

Hugs to you!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Just wanted to let you all know that my mom did come over and it hasnt been easy at all.

At midnight we are shutting off the tv and just reflecting in honor of Kenny..We all think its the right thing to do!

Thank you all!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Im glad mom decided to come over. I don't think she should have been alone.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

I'm glad she came over. I pray the Lord gives you all strength to get through such a touch situation.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

I'm glad she came over. I'm sorry for your loss and that this has been such a hard year for you. The grieving process is different for everyone and I can see it is especially tough on your mom. I hope 2004 brings you andd your family a greater peace.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Awwww I am just giving you many hugs! Everyone's posts are worth reading and so are yours!!!!! Don't sell yourself short!

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Noreen, Im so glad your mom came over.
Like everyone said here, everyone grieves and heals in their own way and at their own pace.
You are trying your VERY best to be there to run, walk or skip with your mom, depending on the day she's having.
Dont be so hard on yourself. Youre truly an amazing daughter and wife.

I hope everything went ok after midnite

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

Let your mom mourn for the time being. Not attending NYE party isn't the end of the world. But if it's been going on for a long long time (like over a year and she's still mourning) I might suggest her seeking grief counseling (even now, it never hurts).

I wouldn't get too upset over her being this way. Everyone grieves in different ways. But the counseling may help her by showing her that it's OK to go on living your life after a love one has died, etc.

Is she expecting you to always be there and grieve with her? That is going to cause a strain in your relationship w/ your hubby I think. Maybe she should think aobut the couseling if she cannot handle griveing on her own (that's not to sound insulting, sorry it comes out sounding that way). Do you feel she's making you choose between her and your husband? If so you should talk to her and tell her while you miss Kenny too, you also have a new husband and you need to be with him and start living your life with him too now.

And do not worry, no one is upset (at least I'm not) about your posts. You're going throughn a hard time. It will get better.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

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Posted by nycchic_24

Now I have to choose between my mother and my husband..do I go home at midnight to my mothers to be with her or do I stay here with my husband???

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Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

You're supposed to vent here so don't ever feel like you can't.

I'm glad your mom came over. My dad passed away ten years ago and since I've been out of my mom's house, she sometimes declines invitations when she really does want to come over but she feels like she's "intruding on the newlyweds." A little persuasion and cajolling usually does the trick, but sometimes it's not easy. I'm an only child so there's no one else to share the responsibility of making sure she's alright.

The good news is that after the full year of grieving, two things will happen to make things easier: She'll feel a little better because the first holidays without the loved one are always the hardest. Also, you'll have a better idea of how to handle all these holidays. Some surely mean more to her than others, so on the ones that don't mean as much (like New Years for my mom) you could, like Sue said, stop by the next day or the day before. My point is just that eventually you'll figure it out and things will get better. I wish you all the best.

Re: I dont even know why any of you would even open my posts anymore

i'm sorry you have to go through these things.....
please feel free to vent when you need to!!