Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

FH still has not chosen his best man. It's not THAT big a deal since we still have some time, but I wish he'd just do it already. It would be one less thing to worry about. He's having such a hard time deciding because he's grown apart from all of his childhood friends with whom he was really close. He's debating between digging one of them up from where ever they may be or my little brother or one my cousins. But there are problems with all of these.

My brother is only 20 and he's still pretty immature. I don't know if he'd handle the speech very well. But he and FH are pretty close.

My cousin that he's considering, he's great, but they haven't really known each other that long. It just seems a little weird. But they get along really well even though they don't see each other very often.

And his friends, oh geez. They are all a bunch of former (some still current) potheads and burnouts. Basically, the "bad kids" he used to hang with in HS. Most of them never grew out of that phase, though FH did and that's pretty much why they grew apart.

He doesn't want either of his 2 BILs either.

I feel bad that he's having such a hard time choosing a best man. I want to help him but I don't know how. I want him to make a decision he won't regret later.

Any suggestions, words of advice, similar experiences?

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

Well, the best man is supposed to be the person he feels will "stand up" for him - in other words, the person he most trusts to be there for him, etc.
Who is that person to him? As far as the long lost friends, my DH kind of had the same situation...he wound up calling his best friend from childhood, they reconnected, and he was in our wedding.
Maybe the "burnouts" would not be the best choice... but if they are his buddies, will stand up for him (and show up, hold the rings, etc) - why not? LOL

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

What about his dad, are they close?

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

Sticky situation with the fathers. He is not close with his biological father at all, though he will be invited to the wedding (whether or not he shows up is another story) but he is close with his stepfather who he considers his "real" father. So, he's worried that if he asks stepdad to be the BM, he'll feel like he's taking away his role as father of groom instead -- to make room for his biological Dad.

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

Does he have any sisters or close girl family members/friends? He can always ask one of them if they are close. It doesn't have to be a man.

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

I think asking the step dad to be best man would be the ultimate compliment to the man who was his true "Dad" all those years. Just a thought, but really the father of the groom gets left out of a lot of things, except maybe hosting the the rehearsel dinner.

If they are close and he feels this person will be the one trusted to stand up for him, I think the step dad would be the best person for the best man--just my opinion.

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

My FH had the same issue. His best friend...that lived with him last year for 5 months and slept on FH's couch...has disappeared. We don't know where he is. When FH moved in with me...the friend went to stay with his sister. They spoke on the phone often, and then one day, he was no longer working there. FH was really bummed...he wanted his friend there to be his BM. Finally...FH decided to ask his BIL during Thanksgiving weekend. He's excited about it now, because it will be a family member...but I know that he hopes his friend will turn up sometime before the wedding. Good luck.

Re: Choosing the Best Man...FH needs help

My FH is having 2. His best friend since he was 5 and his Best friend from College. He couldnt pick between the2. So he decided why decide hell just have both. No one can make his choice. It has to be his choice and his alone. Good Luck to him.