i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

sorry its a bit long....

two of ym co-workers (that i have worked with since i started four years ago at my job) responded they were coming to our wedding with their significant others.

The friday before, one told my bm who i work with that she wasn't coming and when our bm asked if she was planning on telling us, she said no. My other co-worker toild our bm that somehtign came up and he couldn't come after all - leaving us 4 people short since we had (of course) alredy paid....

now i am sure neither knew that you pay beforehand so probably figured it was not a big deal but i am kind of hurt that they just decided last minute not to come, as if it isn't important....

to add some insult to injury, one gave us a card (yhrough another co-worker who came!)with a note written on work letterhead (in fact, it was old scrap paper since it had our old company logo on it!) saying she was sorry she couldn't come.

tomorrow is the first day i will see both - i have been out at meetings all this week since i came back from jamaica.....and my question is, how one earth am i supposed to deal with them? i am still kinda hurt and cannot even fathom what i will say to them.....i am dreading it and hope they will both be out sick...which is a fat chance!!!

can anyone help??? (or anyone have a similar situation??) am i being stupid and overreaticng or do i kinda make sense???

thanks in advance!

-d

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I don't know what to tell you.

Part of me would want to say don't say anything unless they did or just say they missed a wonderful wedding if they do say something.

Another part would say to tell them they really hurt your feelings by basically "dissing" my wedding.

But I would really want to say don't talk to me. It's obvious you don't care about me or my feelings, I don't want to continue our friendship.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

yikes... sorry about this...this happened with a coworker of mine too and she told me every off payday week that she was going to give me my gift when we got paid (mind you she lived at home...and we were well paid)


1 1/2 years...nothing - not even a card...and someone told her that I had to pay for her plate!!!!


I would ask your BM to say something...make the coworker feel bad about being a fool...but don't let it get to you...theres nothing you can do about it now...be the bigger person and make her feel even smaller!!!

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

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Posted by ChristineC68

Part of me would want to say don't say anything unless they did or just say they missed a wonderful wedding if they do say something.

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Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

thanks!

i am with you on the 3rd one....but figure i would have to tone it down somehow....

i really hope they don't ask but somehow i doubt it.....i wish i could just call in sick forever and keep avoiding them!!!

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

Wow...I know how you feel...3 of my DH's then co-workers along with their spouses came from CT for our wedding.
They came to the church and then went to the hotel to check in. Needless to say all 6 of them never made it to the reception. My husband did not find out until he went back to work over a week later. They stopped into the bar at the hotel and never left.

They did send gifts, but it in no way made up for the 6 people we had to pay for. Also it was very upsetting to me to have 6 people missing from a table of 10.

I still get a little upset when I think bout it almost 3 years later. My husband no longer works with any of them. Occassionly we hear from them.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

kinda glad (but kind no since that means all you felt this way too!) that i am not alone....thats crazy - 6 of them!! we had a tbale of 10 that became 6 after they pulled out!!

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

We paid for 25 empty seats at our reception due to rescheduling it.
It sucks but you get over it, and you realize who really cares and who are really friends and who aren't.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I would say something ... only because if it gets left unsaid then it's going to bother you until it's out in the open. They were wrong and they should feel guilty, but I understand that it is an awkward situation for you to be in.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

D-
I've got 2 jobs. My first job I invited all the girls (10) and a guest. None of them were able to come & only 5 of them sent a gift.
MY OTHER JOB- A- HOLEs.... I work in sports and of course they could not come until we get off the air. I got married on a Sunday, and the football games end around 7. 6 of them RSVP's- 2 w/ guests= 8 plates.... & not one of them came. I felt exactly what you're feeling- just don't rsvp! I just went back to work and smiled and told them what a wonderful time they missed. I'm still in shock, but I decided not to say anything b/c I didn't want to stoop to their level.

I learned a lot about people planning my wedding- needless to say.


Just go back to work, and never let them know they get to you.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

thanks...don't even get me started on what we foudn out abotu some of ofh's friends or even my family...we oudn up about 18 seats empty...which was alittle disappointing sinice we were well over the min and could have saved quite a bit!! (or arranged to have the food donated!)

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I had this happen to me but with cousins. Two cousins, and one spouse didnt come. Another cousin, took it upon himself to invite a guest when he was not invited with one, and she never came.

It sucks but what do you do. My cousin that is married did the same thing when my father got remarried. RSVPed and never showed up or sent a card. They just dont have any class!!!

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

15 no shows for me. I know how you feel, believe me. Most of those did not send a gift either although I would have prefered an apology to a gift any day. It is hard to let go but try to remember that is a reflection of them, not you. They are the ones who don't have any class or any sense of respect for people. I'm not saying that I'm not still annoyed but I can't be bothered to mention it. I'm sure your day was still perfect without them and that's what matters.

Edited to add. I would not go out of my way but if they ask, I would just say that they missed a great wedding. They will probably avoid you anyway-if they have any shame.

Message edited 12/4/2003 2:44:47 PM.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

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Posted by Cira

I would say something ... only because if it gets left unsaid then it's going to bother you until it's out in the open. They were wrong and they should feel guilty, but I understand that it is an awkward situation for you to be in.

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Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I have a sort of different take on this. I don't think you should approach them. I think in the long run you will cause more problems that way. If they decided not to show up at your wedding, then you have to chuck up to the fact that it's their loss b/c they missed out on a wonderful, enjoyable and happy occassion. We really cannot reprimand people for not participating in our wedding. Let them carry the guilt or approach you on the situation.

NOW if they come to you and say, "hey, how was your wedding?" That's when you can smile, and get the opportunity to tell them you had a beautiful time, everything was perfect and all your wonderful family and friends had a ball!!! Enough said! If they are decent enough to apologize then you can take it from there. NEVER, EVER confront anyone for not showing up to a function such as your wedding, that's giving an undeserving person too much importance. Evidently these individuals behavior should've proved to you that they don't care and that they are not friends.

JMO!

Good Luck!
Tracy

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

Jeez, we all have stories. Why are people so inconsiderate?! My philosophy is, if you can't or don't want to go to a wedding, RSVP NO and immediately!

I had an aunt and 4 cousins as "no-shows" - my father still won't talk to his sister bc they did the same thing to my sister 10 years ago! And they didn't send a card/gift to either of us.

DH had a cousin BEG to bring his new girlfriend along with his 2 kids. He sent us a $100 gift check. If he didn't have the money, I'd understand but he has gone away with his new girlfriend and openly shares that he just bought her a new dvd/vcr, etc.

Then DH has another cousin who attended the wedding with his wife and 3 kids (all over 22 year old). In the last minute, he asked if his son could bring his girlfriend. We received a generous gift from his cousin but NOTHING, not even a card from the 22-something kids.

Okay, obviously a sore topic for me. DH said we should chalk it up to the expense of having a wedding and not waste time dwelling on it. He's right, I am trying! But I SO understand!

Message edited 12/4/2003 5:04:39 PM.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I agree with Tracy, b/c there was a couple of people who did not come to our wedding for whatever reason and when I saw them I greeted them with such joy and you saw the guilt in their eyes, they were so apologetic, that I felt so vindicated that I did not even have to say anything Girl you will get your day. Its their loss.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I only had 4 no show but what got me so mad is we were aloud to cancel people the day before. All four of those were iffy so I called the day before and they all said they would be there....well guess what! You can't tell me they didn't know the day before. I would go up to her and tell her very nicely "I don't know if you realized this but we have to let them have an amount of people and pay for it ahead of time, You should have let me)

Message edited 12/5/2003 9:01:28 AM.

Re: i need your advice newleyweds...why can't i let it go??

I would just be like "omg, you guys werent there?" Like you didnt even notice.