Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

My mom is hosting my bridal shower all by herself which has been quite an effort on her behalf since she wanted to have it at a decent place. That being said, she is paying per person so we sent out invites with response cards. And she was nice enough to allow FMIL to invite a few people from her side. When I got the list of addresses of the people that FMIL wanted us to send invites to, it was 20 something people long! How inconsiderate is that knowing that you have not contributed a penny towards the shower.

Anyhow, now I'm having an issue withe the in-laws because FMIL and a few of her friends have not bothered to send the response cards back. Obviously, I know FMIL will be there but her invitees that have not responded have called her to tell her whether they are coming or not instead!

Now here's the thing...

On which planet is it acceptable to respond by phone when there was an addressed and stamped response card included in the invitation? And more so to respond by phone to someone other that the person who sent the invitation and is hosting the damn event!!!

I feel like FMIL is leading people to believe that she is involved in the hosting of this bridal shower and making herself look good to her friends when in actuality she never even offered to help.

Also, I'm annoyed that she knows that my mom is who's keeping the list of who's coming etc..., but she doesn't have the sense to tell these people that they have to send the response card to my mom anyhow so we can stay organized.

And I'm afraid that these people will do the same with the wedding invites and think it's okay to just call her even though the invites did not come from her.

Am I wrong for making a big deal out of this??? I want to scream!

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!
You have every right to be mad!
Man I really detest these annoying FMILs!

good luck though, I have no good advice for you since my FMIL and FFIL have not talked to me in 3 weeks

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

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Message edited 8/12/2006 9:17:43 PM.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

this is "JMO", but....isn't the bridal shower supposed to be all the women invited to the wedding? And if you want to take on that responsibility then expect a list length in accordace to the main guest list? If you host a party, afford what you can for all the guests. Again JMO!!!!!

Now I would be mad if FMIL was trying to take credit for something she offered no assistance in. If people are RSVPing by phone, I think that is fine, some maybe did not mail in time (what else is new). If it's her guests, they might feel more comfortable calling her (does not make it right, but i think we all learn that people have a hard time making RSVPs easy). Can you talk to FMIL for have your FH and tell her to please direct guests to call your mother?

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

You are not wrong at all. And what you should do....or what I would do.... If you are having a seating arrangement, don't put out a card with their name on it. Let them scramble, and then let your mom say, oh "I" sent the invitation with a response card for a reason (with a hint of humor). Then have her say "I also sent them so my daughter's FMIL would not be bothered since I am the one hosting it (with a hint of humor). I mean set a chair for them, but no card, just to make your point. That's what I would do.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

I'm not one to say if you're making a big deal of it or not, BUT if you want to make it known to the guests who is responsible for throwing the shower (I'd imagine it would be on the invite as to who was hosting...) you could get her a small token thank you gift and present it to her at the shower (if it's a surprise shower have a bridesmaid hold it and give it to you that day) and give a little speech thanking your mom (and your mom alone). That's what I would do...maybe a little spiteful, but you have to give credit where credit is due and not taken by someone else unjustly.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

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Posted by jenny2penny

this is "JMO", but....isn't the bridal shower supposed to be all the women invited to the wedding? And if you want to take on that responsibility then expect a list length in accordace to the main guest list? If you host a party, afford what you can for all the guests. Again JMO!!!!!

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Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

JMO, but I think that you can be angry with the guests for not sending the response card, not your FMIL... maybe you can have your mother ask your FMIL to ask those guests to please mail back the response card. Maybe these people really don't know proper etiquette. It seems people don't have a clue when it comes to stuff like this.


Also..
I don't think that all guests invited to the wedding should be invited to the bridal shower. I think it should be female guests that are closer to you.

Message edited 11/11/2003 4:15:03 PM.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

We did not invite every woman that is invited to the wedding but it seems that's what FMIL was trying to do. Of course that's a good way to go about things since it's not on her dime.

The invitation specifically says " Hosted by Mrs. Sanchez" on it.

And if it were a matter of them calling in their responses then I'd understand thm being more comfortable speaking to her. But since it is just a matter of writing your name on the card along with checking off yes or no and writing the number of people coming. I don't see why they can't do that.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

In all honesty, I have never recieved an RSVP card with a shower invite, generally a phone call was all that was required which is probably how that all happened. Granted if I did get an RSVP card, I would know to send it back:D

As for the guest list, I thought it was women that are close to the bride & groom. DH's aunts, cousins and close family friends were invited to the shower hosted by my mother and sister (moh).

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

This may be a long-shot but any chance SHE will host a shower for her side?? One of BM's FMIL did that which was very nice.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

I don't think you some of you ladies understood my post.

The issue is that they are calling FMIL to tell her if they are coming or not rather than sending the response card to my mom which is who they should be responding to because she is hosting the shower and it says so on the invite.

And I did try to tell FMIL that it is important that she tell her friends to send the card to my mom so we can stay organized and she just does not seem to think it's important.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

you are right, let me rephase my statement to, I would not include inviting a guest of a guest.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

you will learn even the best layed plans, others will not follow. wait it gets even "better" when you 2 are waiting for your RSVPS after your deadline

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

Nah she wouldn't host a separate shower for me.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

I would give a nice "Thank you" speech at the shower. Thank all your guests for their lovely gifts and make a SPECIAL Thanks to YOUR MOM for throwing you such a beautiful shower!!

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

Honestly I have never seen a response card to a bridal shower ever and I have been to a ton. I'm sure the guests are not doing anything intentional to hurt your feelings and they think that calling your FMIL and RSVPing is fine because most bridal showers have telephone RSVPs (IMO). They may not be right but i wouldn't get upset over it.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

I'm upset because it is clear on the invite that my mom is hosting it and even though a response card for a shower is not the norm if there is one in the invite it's there for a reason so why can't they just send it back?

And why doesn't FMIL tell them that she is not who is hosting it and that they should respond accordingly to my mom.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

I totally understand your frustration! However, I don't think anyone is doing anything 'wrong' really. Some of these women might have been responding late so they felt a phone call would do the job better than sending in the card. They just called your MIL figuring she would pass the info on to the appropriate party. This might be rude and not the best way of handling, but don't stress over it. As long as you're getting your responses in, then it's fine!
As for the invite list, I think it's always the case that the shower includes women from both sides of the family. My mom hosted my shower, but we have a smaller family than DH so most of the women were from his family. My mom expected that when she planned it though.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

I'm not saying that they are right but honestly this is something i would not get upset over. Maybe they feel they know your FMIL and are more comfortable talking to her and asking her gift ideas and such.

You're going to be dealing with your inlaws for a lifetime and you are going to have to pick and choose your battles. This is not a battle that I would want to fight.

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

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Posted by DKA1026
As for the invite list, I think it's always the case that the shower includes women from both sides of the family. My mom hosted my shower, but we have a smaller family than DH so most of the women were from his family. My mom expected that when she planned it though.

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Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

i would have your mom call up all the women who didnt respond and ask for their response completely ignoring that they called his mother

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

If i were you at the end of the shower i would stand up and say thank all for coming and esp. thanks to my mom who worked so hard to pull this all together herself and did a great job . Then on the wedding invites and i would put a * if you cannot return the self addressed responce card please call #-------

Then at your party casualy menton to those people .... oh i wish you would have called i was going crazy trying to track people down who didnt get back to me.... they ll get the hint but dont intentionatly piss off your FMIL or your guests...JMO

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

Yes, make an announcement at the shower thanking your mom for all her hard work! I love that idea! You can also call some of the people from her side who did not respond to your mom directly and ask them if they get a chance could they please send the responce card? You havent heard from them , and You need the card for your record keeping!

Re: Poll. Am I wrong??? FMIL Vent.

In my experience the bridal shower is suppose tobe for both sides of the family. So why wouldn't your MIL invite people? Usually all the women or most of them invited to the wedding are invited tot he shower. Yes I know it fcan start adding up, so maybe your mom should ask his mother if she would be interested in hosting it with her?

I think that you are getting to involved in this. Your mom took on the responsibility of hosting the shower, so she shouldbe dealing with it.